from the rocks i cried, to the sky i learn to fly. ♥

Monday 13 December 2010 { 12/13/2010 09:11:00 pm }

Maybe, being busy with school final exam successfully prevent me from updating this blog constantly, or even frequently. I know I ain't a good blogger, but so what huh?

Now I supposed to enjoy my holiday already. My final exam results are clear, no remedy. Yeah. Life's good so far. However, there's still this POR (abbreviation of Pekan Olah Raga which in English means Sports Week). This ain't affect me though, cause I'm still absent from school ahah! *ahem* Anyway..

there are some events that have occurred in the past couple weeks.

One of them is.. No Turning Back. An event that was held by the youth ministry of my church. I think its main purpose is to get more teens to come to my church—a purpose I personally disagree. I made the poster. There was a tattoo stand too and I tattooed my own hand—that's what an artist do HAHA. Here're the photos :D

The second one would be the bridge project from my school about 2 weeks ago. It was finished all by myself. It supposed to be a team project, but, my team weren't dependable.. so I did it on my own. I hope it successfully went through the standard to get the minimum score. The last time I tested the bridge was fragile. Although it could hold about 2 kilos. Well, from the design aspect, it's quite neat and good-looking ahaha. Maybe I am indeed more suitable in design than in technical things like balsa bridges. I want to get into the competition though :S

that's what I said 2 kilos. Piles of my books aha

What remains is the upcoming TOEFL test that FREAKS me OUT. I aim 600 for the final test and I'm SO DAMN SCARED of not obtaining it because, oh well, I ain't ready yet :(. So this week will still be a struggling week. Huff. Wish me luck.

And, for the closing, today's my 1st month anniversary with my.. *ahem* lover. Too bad I don't have and don't intend to post his or our photo. As a subtitution, I give you this. Write later.

a photo taken by my li'l sister with my cell without my ken. take that!! HAHA

Labels: family, projects, school

Sunday 5 December 2010 { 12/05/2010 10:05:00 am }

written by Johannes Salindeho, from my church's weekly bulletin.

This will be in Indonesian. So, if you want to read but you can't read Indonesian, please.. there are bunches of translator tool. Search for one. Google translate for instance.

"Oleh karena engkau berharga di mata-Ku dan mulia dan Aku ini mengasihi engkau, maka Aku memberikan manusia sebagai gantimu, dan bangsa-bangsa sebagai ganti nyawamu." (Yesaya 43:4a)

Wow.. Nats yang indah! Betapa berharganya hidup kita ini!

Saya menggunakan cerita di bawah ini sebagai ilustrasi Tidak Berkurang

Pada Suatu hari, ada kakek mengajak cucu-cucunya bermain di pantai. Saat mereka asyik bermain pasir, kakek itu mendekati mereka dan berkata, "Siapa di antara kalian yang mau uang $100?" Semua anak itu serentak berhenti bermain dan tanpa membuang-buang waktu merekapun serentak mengacungkan tangan, saling bersahut-sahutan dengan semangat dan berharap, "Saya! Saya! Saya!!" (jangankan anak-anak, kita aja juga mau, kan?)

Kakek lalu berkata, "Ok. Sabar, kakek akan memberikan uang ini setelah kalian semua melihat ini dulu.." Kakek tersebut lalu meremas-remas uang itu beberapa saat hingga lusuh, lalu ia kembali bertanya, "siapa yang masih mau dengan uang yang lusuh ini??" Anak-anak itu tetap bersemangat mengacungkan tangan, bahkan ada yang melompat-lompat sambil mengacungkan tangan, merekapun serentak berteriak, "Saya!! Saya!"

Kakek itu tersenyum sambil berkata, "Sabar.. Sabar.. Gimana kalau uang ini kakek injak-injak di pasir pantai?" Lalu kakek itu menjatuhkan uang itu di pasir pantai dan menginjak-injak dengan kakinya hingga uang itu menjadi kotor, berpasir, lebih lusuh dari sebelumnya bahkan nampak kumal karena sedikit basah terkena air laut. Dan kakek kembali bertanya, "Ayoo, siapa yang masih mau uang ini?"

Tetap saja, cucu-cucunya itu mengacungkan jari mereka. Perbincangan mereka mengundang perhatian orang-orang sekitarnya, kini hampir semua orang yang di pantai mengacungkan tangannya.

Jadi, apapun yang dilakukan si kakek terhadap uang 100$ tersebut, cucu-cucunya tetap menginginkan uang itu, bukan? Nah, pertanyaannya: kok bisa??

Karena kertas (uang) itu tetap bernilai $100, walaupun kakek itu meremas-remas bahkan menginjak-injak uang hingga bentuknya lusuh dan kumal. Jadi tindakan apapun terhadap $100 itu tidak akan mengurangi nilai dari uang tersebut menjadi 50$ atau 10$ bahkan 1$. Tidak Berkurang nilai mata uang tersebut!

Walaupun kita mengalami problema dan tekanan hidup&mdashkita menjadi lusuh, kotor, tertekan, terinjak-injak&mdashnamun di mata ALLAH setiap pribadi kita sangat berharga dan mulia. Tidak Berkurang

Perumpamaan tentang anak yang hilang pada Lukas 15:11-31, walaupun anak tersebut datang kembali ke ayahnya dengan kondisi apapun (bau, kotor, compang-camping, dekil, dan kumal), sang ayah tetap menerima, memeluk, dan menciumnya. Tidak Berkurang kasih sang ayah terhadap anak tersebut!

Ingatlah "Engkau berharga di mata-Ku dan mulia." Dan Tidak Berkurang kasih Allah kepada kita! Walaupun kita kotor seperti kain kotor dan berdosa, namun Allah tetap menerima kita, bahkan memberikan anak-Nya yang tunggal, Yesus, untuk rela mati bagi kita, supaya kita yang kotor ini dibersihkan dan disucikan. Karena Firman Tuhan mengatakan, "Sekalipun dosamu merah seperti kirmizi, akan menjadi putih seperti salju; sekalipun berwarna merah seperti kain kesumba, akan menjadi putih seperti bulu domba."

John C. Maxwell berkata, "Keadaan tidak membuat anda menjadi sebagaimana anda adanya. Keadaan mengungkapkan siapa anda yang sesungguhnya."

Norman Vincent Peale berkata, "Faktanya adalah anda menampilkan siapa diri anda sebenarnya."

Labels: words

Saturday 16 October 2010 { 10/16/2010 07:01:00 pm }

Happy Saturday.
Yesterday was a fatigue and today.. it's getting better, actually. It's just that today my status is a sick person who is obligated to do all the house chores and (big)baby sitting. Honestly, oh WHY CAN'T THEY TAKE CARE OF THEIR OWN?? THEY ARE hell ALREADY 9 AND 11 YEARS OLD!!

And my li'l brother doesn't know how to wash the dishes cleanly and correctly. Duh, it's not something you have to learn from textbooks hello? Oh my, I guess later at about 8 p.m I'll have to make a How-To-Wash-Dishes-Correctly-And-Cleanly tutorial for my (sorry) stupid li'l 11 y.o brother. Argh. *HATCHII*

Um, so, I'm having a flu. It's definitely ain't as bad as headache, or common cold or other diseases but this is quite annoying that I have such a tight weekly schedule that today I've even missed my church's meeting and.. a date.

Please don't make me continue writing any further about the date part.

And now those kids are making me UPSET. THEY DON'T WANT TO EAT THE DINNER I'VE SERVED. GRRR.

Oh my, today I've been fallen into melancholic mood and accidentally fallen into this song.. Misguided Ghost by Paramore.

1, 2, 3, 4

I am going away for a while
I'll be back don't try and follow me
I'll return as soon as possible
See I'm tryin' to find my place
It might not be here where I feel safe
We all learn to make mistakes,

And run from them
From them
With no direction
We'll run from them
From them
With no conviction

I'm just one of those ghosts
Traveling endlessly
Don't need no roads
In fact they follow me
And we just go in circles

Now I'm told that this is life
Pain is just a simple compromise
So we can we get what we want out of it
Someone care to classify
Broken hearts and twisted minds
So i can find, someone to rely on,

And run to them
to them
Full speed ahead
Oh you are not
Useless
We are just

Misguided ghosts
Traveling endlessly
The ones we trusted the most
Pushed us far away
And there's no one road
We should not be the same
I'm just a ghost
And still they echo me
They echo me in circles.

Labels: family, lyrics, personal

Saturday 11 September 2010 { 9/11/2010 02:49:00 pm }

Oh man, finally I can post a new blog-post. And, I'm currently writting from Bali Handera's guest computer and the view from here is just great (I'll upload it as soon as I'm home). Oh well, nothing really outstandingly happen, here, at Bali. I wish I can write 'I surfed and oh the wave was awesome!' or 'Dude! I met a hottie at the beach!' or 'Man! My holiday here is TERRIFIC. And now I'm really tanned!', but no I can't. Or else, I lie. First reason that screw my holiday in Bali: it has been raining these days. I can't see sunsets, and I can't try Banana Boat of Flying Fish or Parasailing. Oh I wish I can play at the beach a little longer. I want to go home with a tanned skin and a personal satisfaction. Well, the second reason is because the difference of destination and wants among my dad, my mom, and me.

I can't prevent myself from thinking a lot this holiday.

BEWARE,
the next paragraphs will seemed too stupid to be read, breaking down healthy mental, and twisting fragile paradigms. It's called as picisan here. Argh I hate this. Sadly, I should write about this. Why? Because I should.

I wonder if this is how people usually act. I don't know if I can say this as falling in love.
And I don't want to sound sissy. But, honestly speaking I keep on thinking about him ever since he said he likes me and he misses me. I don't want to sound shallow. And heck no, I ain't shallow oh sorry for the disappointment. My friends have always said this and that, that he's good and bad, that we're not meant to be and stuffs, and also that I can definitely get a better one. Oh my, we haven't even start the relationship. Why bother? Well, see the bright side--they care about me. I don't know, I'm afraid that he's playing me, and that he isn't that into me, and.. stuffs.

How weird, that words were choking my head along the road I took from my room to this lobby, and now the words dissolves with the cold air around. Bzz.

I keep on thinking that this way of thinking, of mine, is human. Falling in love is human. Even when you fall in love to the wrong person. The explanation is just that when you let your heart fall to that wrong person, it is a sign that your logic is sleeping--sleeping I say, not die. Well, some people do have their logic die. Like most of sassy sissy girls who post TOO MUCH 'i love you, boy' 'i need you boy' 'boy you're my all' and worst post 'boy i miss you' that they have just met several hours or even minutes ago. Such girls with lust. I don't think in the next month they'll write the same thing with the SAME NAME. HAHA. Yucks. I just hate their way of living. Me? Oho this is how I live. This is how I think it's quite logical, and I hope so. I'm pretty much hating love stuffs, but shamefully, lately I can't stop thinking about this what-so-called teenage love drama dilemma bullshits. Maybe now it's backfire *sob*.

I just wish I have a lot of money right now. And, I want to go home and polish my guitar skill and design skill and make plushies and make more money. I don't like this feeling.

Boy, I keep on wandering about you, and I, but DEFINITELY I don't want you to know. I know you are missing me, thank you. Me too. And I don't want you to know.

Oh why is this thing is more complicated to Maths?

I wish I can write better things. I wish I can write more. But, I think the receiptionist doesn't want me to stay any longer in front of this computer. So, write later.

Lastly, even though the view from here is good, I still prefer the view is a beach panorama, not mountains and hills. Haha.

Labels: family, holidays, stupid, travel, words

Sunday 6 June 2010 { 6/06/2010 01:08:00 am }

Heya. Writtin' again.
Today's quite a fascinating day for me, that I can learn one more thing that I actually has heard several times before, with my mind shutted up.

First, I realize (once again) that for all this time til' this very second.. I've never done my best on any. That actually I've started quite many things.

JSYK, I've tried quite many things since I was a child. I learnt ballet for 2years when I was in my 3rd grade of elementary, and I took piano course since I was just a kindergarten till 6th grade of elementary (til' I reached 4th grade, Royale grade, then quit) and I also take guitar since my 8th grade year, til' this year (see my previous post for the details) and I do designs, visual arts, and I also learn a bit of programming (html, CSS code) and for about 2years of my elementary years yes, I learned violin for a while, from extracurricular activity in my school, and I have been trained street dance for a few times (at least I know krumpin', and poppin', and point and lock and wave) and and.. I learnt a bit Japanese by myself, and and.. I don't know if I've missed something thou

But

I've never masterize even ONE of them. And this is also what WE call pathetic--that the more pathetic to see the fact that that word is the word that I HATE the most.

I want to be able to do something. I want to make my parents, my family, proud of me. Proud of having me as a part of their family. Proud to say to people 'Hey, that's my daughter' or 'Hey, that's my big sister!' when they point at me. I don't want to be just some person.. I want to be the person. And I really hope I can make it real.

YES THAT'S IT. I want to do SOMETHING VALUABLE. I want to achieve SOMETHING.

Kay, let's see.. I'll never post another blog til' I make something valuable.

Cause I know it well, I'll never make my dreams, real, if I never start to step forward. I believe even one step is already a change.

Labels: personal, words

Sunday 30 May 2010 { 5/30/2010 10:31:00 pm }

I wish I can write better. I wish my vocabulary is richer. *sob*.

I'm becoming more confuse and more confuse about things around. I confuse about what's right and what's wrong, which's lie and which's truth, which's worth and which's not worth.. Mbrfgh.

Roughly describing, now my mind is like a tangled yarn. Abstract, and.. indescribable, too many things that is inside.. I even hardly able to think fluently about the next English vocab I have to write.

Argh.

You know, when past regrets are combined with visions, what will be resulted is a messy mind. Like how I am now. It's.. torturing mentally :(

Maybe future does not be able to be combined with past after all.

Labels: personal

Wednesday 26 May 2010 { 5/26/2010 04:08:00 pm }

With no further ado, here it is.. The Only Exception lyrics. A song that composed beautifully by Paramore. You can search the mp3 in Google yourselves.

The Only Exception - Paramore

When I was younger I saw my daddy cry and curse at the wind
Broke his own heart and I watched as he tried to reassemble it
And my momma swore that she would never let herself forget
And that was the day that I promised I'd never sing of love if it does not exist

But darling you are the only exception

Maybe I know somewhere deep in my soul that love never lasts
And we've got to find other ways to make it alone
Keep a straight face
I've always lived like this
Keeping a comfortable distance
And up until now I had sworn to myself that I'm content with loneliness
Because none of it was ever worth the risk

Well you are the only exception

I've got a tight grip on reality but I can't let go of what's in front of me here
I know you're leaving in the morning when you wake up
Leave me with some kind of proof it's not a dream

You are the only exception

I'm on my way to believing

Labels: lyrics, music, personal