from the rocks i cried, to the sky i learn to fly

Things I've Never Posted

2010-12-13T21:11:00.006+07:00

Maybe, being busy with school final exam successfully prevent me from updating this blog constantly, or even frequently. I know I ain't a good blogger, but so what huh?

Now I supposed to enjoy my holiday already. My final exam results are clear, no remedy. Yeah. Life's good so far. However, there's still this POR (abbreviation of Pekan Olah Raga which in English means Sports Week). This ain't affect me though, cause I'm still absent from school ahah! *ahem* Anyway..

there are some events that have occurred in the past couple weeks.

One of them is.. No Turning Back. An event that was held by the youth ministry of my church. I think its main purpose is to get more teens to come to my church—a purpose I personally disagree. I made the poster. There was a tattoo stand too and I tattooed my own hand—that's what an artist do HAHA. Here're the photos :D

The second one would be the bridge project from my school about 2 weeks ago. It was finished all by myself. It supposed to be a team project, but, my team weren't dependable.. so I did it on my own. I hope it successfully went through the standard to get the minimum score. The last time I tested the bridge was fragile. Although it could hold about 2 kilos. Well, from the design aspect, it's quite neat and good-looking ahaha. Maybe I am indeed more suitable in design than in technical things like balsa bridges. I want to get into the competition though :S

that's what I said 2 kilos. Piles of my books aha

What remains is the upcoming TOEFL test that FREAKS me OUT. I aim 600 for the final test and I'm SO DAMN SCARED of not obtaining it because, oh well, I ain't ready yet :(. So this week will still be a struggling week. Huff. Wish me luck.

And, for the closing, today's my 1st month anniversary with my.. *ahem* lover. Too bad I don't have and don't intend to post his or our photo. As a subtitution, I give you this. Write later.

a photo taken by my li'l sister with my cell without my ken. take that!! HAHA

Tidak Berkurang

2010-12-05T10:05:00.003+07:00

written by Johannes Salindeho, from my church's weekly bulletin.

This will be in Indonesian. So, if you want to read but you can't read Indonesian, please.. there are bunches of translator tool. Search for one. Google translate for instance.

"Oleh karena engkau berharga di mata-Ku dan mulia dan Aku ini mengasihi engkau, maka Aku memberikan manusia sebagai gantimu, dan bangsa-bangsa sebagai ganti nyawamu." (Yesaya 43:4a)

Wow.. Nats yang indah! Betapa berharganya hidup kita ini!

Saya menggunakan cerita di bawah ini sebagai ilustrasi Tidak Berkurang

Pada Suatu hari, ada kakek mengajak cucu-cucunya bermain di pantai. Saat mereka asyik bermain pasir, kakek itu mendekati mereka dan berkata, "Siapa di antara kalian yang mau uang $100?" Semua anak itu serentak berhenti bermain dan tanpa membuang-buang waktu merekapun serentak mengacungkan tangan, saling bersahut-sahutan dengan semangat dan berharap, "Saya! Saya! Saya!!" (jangankan anak-anak, kita aja juga mau, kan?)

Kakek lalu berkata, "Ok. Sabar, kakek akan memberikan uang ini setelah kalian semua melihat ini dulu.." Kakek tersebut lalu meremas-remas uang itu beberapa saat hingga lusuh, lalu ia kembali bertanya, "siapa yang masih mau dengan uang yang lusuh ini??" Anak-anak itu tetap bersemangat mengacungkan tangan, bahkan ada yang melompat-lompat sambil mengacungkan tangan, merekapun serentak berteriak, "Saya!! Saya!"

Kakek itu tersenyum sambil berkata, "Sabar.. Sabar.. Gimana kalau uang ini kakek injak-injak di pasir pantai?" Lalu kakek itu menjatuhkan uang itu di pasir pantai dan menginjak-injak dengan kakinya hingga uang itu menjadi kotor, berpasir, lebih lusuh dari sebelumnya bahkan nampak kumal karena sedikit basah terkena air laut. Dan kakek kembali bertanya, "Ayoo, siapa yang masih mau uang ini?"

Tetap saja, cucu-cucunya itu mengacungkan jari mereka. Perbincangan mereka mengundang perhatian orang-orang sekitarnya, kini hampir semua orang yang di pantai mengacungkan tangannya.

Jadi, apapun yang dilakukan si kakek terhadap uang 100$ tersebut, cucu-cucunya tetap menginginkan uang itu, bukan? Nah, pertanyaannya: kok bisa??

Karena kertas (uang) itu tetap bernilai $100, walaupun kakek itu meremas-remas bahkan menginjak-injak uang hingga bentuknya lusuh dan kumal. Jadi tindakan apapun terhadap $100 itu tidak akan mengurangi nilai dari uang tersebut menjadi 50$ atau 10$ bahkan 1$. Tidak Berkurang nilai mata uang tersebut!

Walaupun kita mengalami problema dan tekanan hidup&mdashkita menjadi lusuh, kotor, tertekan, terinjak-injak&mdashnamun di mata ALLAH setiap pribadi kita sangat berharga dan mulia. Tidak Berkurang

Perumpamaan tentang anak yang hilang pada Lukas 15:11-31, walaupun anak tersebut datang kembali ke ayahnya dengan kondisi apapun (bau, kotor, compang-camping, dekil, dan kumal), sang ayah tetap menerima, memeluk, dan menciumnya. Tidak Berkurang kasih sang ayah terhadap anak tersebut!

Ingatlah "Engkau berharga di mata-Ku dan mulia." Dan Tidak Berkurang kasih Allah kepada kita! Walaupun kita kotor seperti kain kotor dan berdosa, namun Allah tetap menerima kita, bahkan memberikan anak-Nya yang tunggal, Yesus, untuk rela mati bagi kita, supaya kita yang kotor ini dibersihkan dan disucikan. Karena Firman Tuhan mengatakan, "Sekalipun dosamu merah seperti kirmizi, akan menjadi putih seperti salju; sekalipun berwarna merah seperti kain kesumba, akan menjadi putih seperti bulu domba."

John C. Maxwell berkata, "Keadaan tidak membuat anda menjadi sebagaimana anda adanya. Keadaan mengungkapkan siapa anda yang sesungguhnya."

Norman Vincent Peale berkata, "Faktanya adalah anda menampilkan siapa diri anda sebenarnya."

Misguided Riddle.

2010-10-16T19:01:00.002+07:00

Happy Saturday.
Yesterday was a fatigue and today.. it's getting better, actually. It's just that today my status is a sick person who is obligated to do all the house chores and (big)baby sitting. Honestly, oh WHY CAN'T THEY TAKE CARE OF THEIR OWN?? THEY ARE hell ALREADY 9 AND 11 YEARS OLD!!

And my li'l brother doesn't know how to wash the dishes cleanly and correctly. Duh, it's not something you have to learn from textbooks hello? Oh my, I guess later at about 8 p.m I'll have to make a How-To-Wash-Dishes-Correctly-And-Cleanly tutorial for my (sorry) stupid li'l 11 y.o brother. Argh. *HATCHII*

Um, so, I'm having a flu. It's definitely ain't as bad as headache, or common cold or other diseases but this is quite annoying that I have such a tight weekly schedule that today I've even missed my church's meeting and.. a date.

Please don't make me continue writing any further about the date part.

And now those kids are making me UPSET. THEY DON'T WANT TO EAT THE DINNER I'VE SERVED. GRRR.

Oh my, today I've been fallen into melancholic mood and accidentally fallen into this song.. Misguided Ghost by Paramore.

1, 2, 3, 4

I am going away for a while
I'll be back don't try and follow me
I'll return as soon as possible
See I'm tryin' to find my place
It might not be here where I feel safe
We all learn to make mistakes,

And run from them
From them
With no direction
We'll run from them
From them
With no conviction

I'm just one of those ghosts
Traveling endlessly
Don't need no roads
In fact they follow me
And we just go in circles

Now I'm told that this is life
Pain is just a simple compromise
So we can we get what we want out of it
Someone care to classify
Broken hearts and twisted minds
So i can find, someone to rely on,

And run to them
to them
Full speed ahead
Oh you are not
Useless
We are just

Misguided ghosts
Traveling endlessly
The ones we trusted the most
Pushed us far away
And there's no one road
We should not be the same
I'm just a ghost
And still they echo me
They echo me in circles.

word rumbles.

2010-09-11T14:49:00.004+07:00

Oh man, finally I can post a new blog-post. And, I'm currently writting from Bali Handera's guest computer and the view from here is just great (I'll upload it as soon as I'm home). Oh well, nothing really outstandingly happen, here, at Bali. I wish I can write 'I surfed and oh the wave was awesome!' or 'Dude! I met a hottie at the beach!' or 'Man! My holiday here is TERRIFIC. And now I'm really tanned!', but no I can't. Or else, I lie. First reason that screw my holiday in Bali: it has been raining these days. I can't see sunsets, and I can't try Banana Boat of Flying Fish or Parasailing. Oh I wish I can play at the beach a little longer. I want to go home with a tanned skin and a personal satisfaction. Well, the second reason is because the difference of destination and wants among my dad, my mom, and me.

I can't prevent myself from thinking a lot this holiday.

BEWARE,
the next paragraphs will seemed too stupid to be read, breaking down healthy mental, and twisting fragile paradigms. It's called as picisan here. Argh I hate this. Sadly, I should write about this. Why? Because I should.

I wonder if this is how people usually act. I don't know if I can say this as falling in love.
And I don't want to sound sissy. But, honestly speaking I keep on thinking about him ever since he said he likes me and he misses me. I don't want to sound shallow. And heck no, I ain't shallow oh sorry for the disappointment. My friends have always said this and that, that he's good and bad, that we're not meant to be and stuffs, and also that I can definitely get a better one. Oh my, we haven't even start the relationship. Why bother? Well, see the bright side--they care about me. I don't know, I'm afraid that he's playing me, and that he isn't that into me, and.. stuffs.

How weird, that words were choking my head along the road I took from my room to this lobby, and now the words dissolves with the cold air around. Bzz.

I keep on thinking that this way of thinking, of mine, is human. Falling in love is human. Even when you fall in love to the wrong person. The explanation is just that when you let your heart fall to that wrong person, it is a sign that your logic is sleeping--sleeping I say, not die. Well, some people do have their logic die. Like most of sassy sissy girls who post TOO MUCH 'i love you, boy' 'i need you boy' 'boy you're my all' and worst post 'boy i miss you' that they have just met several hours or even minutes ago. Such girls with lust. I don't think in the next month they'll write the same thing with the SAME NAME. HAHA. Yucks. I just hate their way of living. Me? Oho this is how I live. This is how I think it's quite logical, and I hope so. I'm pretty much hating love stuffs, but shamefully, lately I can't stop thinking about this what-so-called teenage love drama dilemma bullshits. Maybe now it's backfire *sob*.

I just wish I have a lot of money right now. And, I want to go home and polish my guitar skill and design skill and make plushies and make more money. I don't like this feeling.

Boy, I keep on wandering about you, and I, but DEFINITELY I don't want you to know. I know you are missing me, thank you. Me too. And I don't want you to know.

Oh why is this thing is more complicated to Maths?

I wish I can write better things. I wish I can write more. But, I think the receiptionist doesn't want me to stay any longer in front of this computer. So, write later.

Lastly, even though the view from here is good, I still prefer the view is a beach panorama, not mountains and hills. Haha.

Revolution from Nanas, to be a more 'Well-done'd Nanas.

2010-06-06T01:08:00.004+07:00

Heya. Writtin' again.
Today's quite a fascinating day for me, that I can learn one more thing that I actually has heard several times before, with my mind shutted up.

First, I realize (once again) that for all this time til' this very second.. I've never done my best on any. That actually I've started quite many things.

JSYK, I've tried quite many things since I was a child. I learnt ballet for 2years when I was in my 3rd grade of elementary, and I took piano course since I was just a kindergarten till 6th grade of elementary (til' I reached 4th grade, Royale grade, then quit) and I also take guitar since my 8th grade year, til' this year (see my previous post for the details) and I do designs, visual arts, and I also learn a bit of programming (html, CSS code) and for about 2years of my elementary years yes, I learned violin for a while, from extracurricular activity in my school, and I have been trained street dance for a few times (at least I know krumpin', and poppin', and point and lock and wave) and and.. I learnt a bit Japanese by myself, and and.. I don't know if I've missed something thou

But

I've never masterize even ONE of them. And this is also what WE call pathetic--that the more pathetic to see the fact that that word is the word that I HATE the most.

I want to be able to do something. I want to make my parents, my family, proud of me. Proud of having me as a part of their family. Proud to say to people 'Hey, that's my daughter' or 'Hey, that's my big sister!' when they point at me. I don't want to be just some person.. I want to be the person. And I really hope I can make it real.

YES THAT'S IT. I want to do SOMETHING VALUABLE. I want to achieve SOMETHING.

Kay, let's see.. I'll never post another blog til' I make something valuable.

Cause I know it well, I'll never make my dreams, real, if I never start to step forward. I believe even one step is already a change.

Confusion.

2010-05-30T22:31:00.004+07:00

I wish I can write better. I wish my vocabulary is richer. *sob*.

I'm becoming more confuse and more confuse about things around. I confuse about what's right and what's wrong, which's lie and which's truth, which's worth and which's not worth.. Mbrfgh.

Roughly describing, now my mind is like a tangled yarn. Abstract, and.. indescribable, too many things that is inside.. I even hardly able to think fluently about the next English vocab I have to write.

Argh.

You know, when past regrets are combined with visions, what will be resulted is a messy mind. Like how I am now. It's.. torturing mentally :(

Maybe future does not be able to be combined with past after all.

The Only Exception - Paramore

2010-05-26T16:08:00.005+07:00

With no further ado, here it is.. The Only Exception lyrics. A song that composed beautifully by Paramore. You can search the mp3 in Google yourselves.

The Only Exception - Paramore

When I was younger I saw my daddy cry and curse at the wind
Broke his own heart and I watched as he tried to reassemble it
And my momma swore that she would never let herself forget
And that was the day that I promised I'd never sing of love if it does not exist

But darling you are the only exception

Maybe I know somewhere deep in my soul that love never lasts
And we've got to find other ways to make it alone
Keep a straight face
I've always lived like this
Keeping a comfortable distance
And up until now I had sworn to myself that I'm content with loneliness
Because none of it was ever worth the risk

Well you are the only exception

I've got a tight grip on reality but I can't let go of what's in front of me here
I know you're leaving in the morning when you wake up
Leave me with some kind of proof it's not a dream

You are the only exception

I'm on my way to believing

Incorrect time to ponder things.

2010-05-23T18:12:00.009+07:00

Yes I know this isn't the right time to post a new blog. FYI, tomorrow should be Math and Sociology test, but here I am, blogging. Umm, I need to write down what I've been pondering about for this whole-past-week anyway..

So, about the guitar competition.. it is cancelled. Tragically. My trainer quit training me and so it automatically means that I would not ever experience that competition. A.. disappointment for me, but it is already happen. So 'let go' is not really a difficult word to be done about. However, I still love my guitar. Not having anymore guitar course doesn't mean not learning guitar furthermore. The difference is just that starts from now on, I'll walk my own path, alone. Without anymore guidance from my past training. I still wish I would post about how fun, how great my feeling is in the competition and furthermore about new experiences I get there, but it won't happen anyway..

Lately, maybe being influented by things I've captured with my five senses, I start to dream high. Real high. My dreams of being a successful person in the future, to be such an elegant, respected, professional-looking woman, has emerged more clear in my visualization. I mean in my mind, as I visualize. I can feel how satisfied will I be after I reach what I've been dreaming about. By dreaming more, the more I know that I have many purposes (hehe). By having those purposes, the more hope I plant. The more hope I plant, the higher my hope are, the more I see the beauty of this very world. And, by seeing how beautiful this world is, the more I love, life. Yes, at least I have a future.

I myself am tryin' to pursuit my own dreams by the way. Well, I hope the fact is the same as my opinion. Well I ain't really doing well at school.. Frankly said, my grades are sooo average (thou average is already good enough in my highschool) that they don't satisfy me. Despite of knowing this, I have never studied hard. What I've been doing all this time is--honestly--wasting my time with online activities, and play.. like now. Lately I ponder more about what's worthed to be done and not. Aand, you know what? I put 'school' in the NOT WORTHED list.

I wish I can transfer to Seattle's college faster. As I still try to make the best, here, thou.

Anyway.. random art-activities update. This is the current project I'm working on--colouring *yeay with low tone*. This is a request from Odi and this is only 80% of the total progress. Update soon. Enjoy the yellowness.

artist BLOCK

2010-05-14T12:57:00.007+07:00

Yess, I am suffering what called as artist block. O M G. And to be honest now I'm too confuse of what should I do! I'm afraid things will be a mess that my beloved one--my mom--has trusted her career upon me! So I actually have to design an advertisement for the company she has been worked for. Aand, till now.. what comes up in my mind is just a basic, mundane, boring design for this advertisement I've been assigned about. ARGH. And and, I have no time left! It has to be finished tonite!! Anyway, I found this article by instant-searching and here I copy-paste the content. I hope this can be helpful, for ya who read.

How To Fight Artist's Block

Sometimes, the hardest part about being an artist is the inevitable block that arrives unexpectedly. There’s nothing worse than feeling like you’ve lost your momentum and creativity. Don’t worry, it happens at some point to everyone! Here are some tips to help it dissipate:

1. Set goals:
Force yourself to set a goal of creating ‘X’ number of items. Even if you have to copy a previous project, working in your chosen medium will get you back in the swing of things and get the inspiration flowing. Often times, exploration of past themes will motivate you to see things in a new way. This is how art series are often born; reinvigorating old ideas and viewing them in a new light. It’s okay to build off the past to create motivating steps towards the future.

2. Search for inspiration:
Sitting in front of a blank computer screen or canvas can be painful and nervous tension will only make your block harder to break. Inspiration doesn’t always arrive when it’s needed; sometimes we have to search for it. Going to a museum, visiting a gallery, meeting with friends, taking snapshots, using Google Image Search, or scanning Flickr and creating your own page of favorite images can get the ideas flowing.

3. Keep a journal:
Set a goal to jot down thoughts, ideas, or if you’re clueless about what to write about, make a list you had for breakfast or the first thing you thought of when you woke up; anything is better than nothing. Inspiration is everywhere! Doodle, make lists, just do something. Chances are, when you’re flipping back through the pages in a few few days / weeks / months, inspiration will strike.

4. Don’t worry:
Anxiety will further dampen any creativity. The more you worry, the worse the block will become. If you can’t seem to produce any work, view the period as a mini-vacation. Often, pulling yourself away from the work for awhile will often restore energy and focus. It’s ironic that often when you’re at your busiest, working hard at a job or task that doesn’t include your art, you can’t wait to get back to it. Yet, when you have all the free time in the world, the lack of stimulation can make it difficult to produce anything of real value.

5. Focus on one thing at a time:
It’s easy to get overwhelmed thinking about how much needs to get done. A series isn’t built in a day, and for that matter, a riveting piece of art rarely is, either. Sometimes a task feels so overwhelming that it seems easier to not even start. Don’t sabotage yourself! I’m onto my third series this year because I never quit– I take a step back, assess the situation, take a short break, and launch right back into the work. You won’t get very far if your work is sitting in the corner half-finished, collecting dust. Start with the basics; make an initial sketch of concepts, create a mood board, focus on getting started. Each step forward is one step closer to completion.

6. Take a class:
A renewed perspective can have an amazing impact on the soul. Local art schools and colleges usually offer evening and / or non-accredited courses. Assignments from another person have the ability to jump-start the completion of an art project; the limited guidelines can help dissipate the open-endedness of possibilities that have the ability to create anxiety.

7. Use downtime to market yourself:
If you can’t make new art, use the time to market yourself more effectively. Research galleries and calls for artists online. Sometimes you can even email galleries about your work directly instead of sending postcards. Update your website and online portfolio. Connect with other artists and share your resources. Perhaps they can recommend galleries that are interested in work like yours, provide inspiration, and swap art calls. I’ve secured some of my best shows by staying in contact with fellow peers.

original post

Today pops.

2010-04-30T23:04:00.004+07:00

Today really pops.

First because I got my dance training, and it was about poppin'. It was exhausting, energy-consuming, but fun. I learned a lot.

Second, because today my ruki-chan is SCREWED UP. Its monitor went crazeeh, like.. thrilled, shook its own way, and gave me the Black Screen Of Death. "ARGH! WHAT THE HECK HAS HAPPENED MY RUKI-CHAN??" I sobbed. However, it went error not within a long time, instead it went crazeeh for bout 3 or 2 minutes, then it went back to normal about 10mnutes, then went back being crazeeh =,=.

Aww, my eyes has tired already.. so let's make it short.

I really want to buy more books, qualified books to read. I want to buy this:

Seemed that the book is a good, hilarious one. Seemed interesting :).
Sorry but.. I'm too sleepy to type furthermore. Gnite strangers!

Call it Riku-chan.

2010-04-25T23:19:00.002+07:00

YEAYs!! I now finally able to buy myself a new lappie!! Uhm, I mean a new laptop. It's good. Yes it is. Its specs have quite fulfilled my needs, plus, that this is mooore than what I basically need. I love this new laptop. And hey, I call it Riku-chan ♥

So, for detail, now I'm using Dell Inspiron 1464 and got a discount, plus discount vouchers for its screen protector, keyboard protector, and other necessary equipments. However, unfortunately I haven't bought any protector things for my beloved riku-chan. I planned to buy them today, but ended up bring home nothin because I've run out of money. I couldn't stand spending more money either. SO, I canceled my intention to buy the necessary protectors plus its stuffy bag today. I hope I'll be able to purchase them SOON that this is an immediate need for my riku-chan. If you want to know the picture of it.. well, have yourself googling. I'm sure there will be a lot of Dell 14 series' pictures in Google. I'm too lazy to upload picture now he he. I have a.. reason thou. I've been using this laptop from about 12p.m till this very second! Damn it IS exhausting. But I have my files that have to be moved into here soon. Or else, I wouldn't have my tight sleep tonite. I'll post more pics.. I mean photos soon I guess. I've had my personal web-cam anyway :D. I'm lookin forward for cute, stylish, stuffy, headphones, and and.. ruki-chan's stuffy bag, screen protector, skin protector, keyboard protector, for ruki-chan's sake.

Now, I have to edit my HOPES list in that bio on your right. Here they are!

Rite now, I'm listenin The Bucks of Oranmore (look for it in google too if you want to know more. I told ya, I'm bein too lazy today. Sowy.) and it's the guitar version. Also the song I'm practicing about for October. Yes, it's set. I'll join that competition later October. Till now, I've been barely touching the scores. I've been acting soooooooooo lazy lately. *yawn* Maybe it's true—I need my vitamins soon, and my mommy. Tomorrow I'll have to go to school again (oh *sob*, bye bye weekend :'(). I wonder why do I always post at late nights.. Write to ya soon, and I hope it wont be another midnite. Gnite to meh, and you. Plus, I hope I'll be able to write more often, and with more quality to the contents. Buh-bye.

here i post AGAIN. whoops.

2010-04-10T23:26:00.003+07:00

I know I should have gone to bed rite now! But, I'm sooo excited about this, that I have to post immediately. Haha!

So, readers, I'm aiming to take a college in Seattle in the future. And I pick Bellevue College as a choice, based on the reason that it is the best community college there. At first, based on the informations that my mom and I got, Bellevue does not accept 2nd year highschool graduated. What I mean is that it does not accept students who haven't taken UN or in other word, haven't really graduated from highschool. I've always wanted to transfer myself there after I finish my 2nd year here (eventhou I've thought well the consequences and the dangers that are waiting ahead).Aand.. just about yesterday, an agent from an organization which is helping local students to transfer overseas named Vista, called me. The agent said that from what she researched, Bellevue actually accepts ungraduated-from-highschool students. That's a BIG news. (As I said) I'm soo excited. So I browsed Google and studied the requirements, how-tos, cost, rules and regulations, etc. Here are the results from what I browsed:

What is Running Start - General Info

Running Start Eligibility

Running Start Considerations

and the most important btw..

General Information about Bellevue College

and Around the College Tour

Uh oh.. I found this, in the Running Start Eligibility page..

You are currently enrolled in a public high school. Private school and home school students must register in a public high school to access RS. The student, however, does not need to attend the public high school.

Whaaaaattt?? OH NO. My dream to Seattle :(.

I really want to get there soon. I loath my school now. My school is so unorganized, a mess. Eventhou it's labeled as one of the best schools here, but I AM a victim already here.. so..

I wonder how will an America living feels like. Maybe it would be so efficient? Or would it be so money-consuming? I can't imagine.

Riitee.. It's already 12 a.m and I have to wake up REALLY early, today. JA my readers~

today's not mundane; it's saturday :D

2010-04-10T16:22:00.007+07:00

HEYYA. Here I post again with a grin on my face :D. Yes today is fun. Soo fun that now I'm trying hard to organize my thoughts to be written here as comprehensive as I can.

Where should I start? Well..

Today, as how yesterdays are, I woke up with a sluggish attitude at about 9--I actually had woke up at 8, but it felt toooo hard to get up frm my comfy bed, so I slept again. Then I prepared myself for guitar training at church at about 12 (the training was at 1p.m and I arrived on time, which is a RARE thing. peace). In the training I was trained (duh!), and learned palm mute something. Yes I think it's called Palm Mute. It was quite confusing, yet I managed to learn it fast. Haha. The good news is that soon I'll be joined into a band for Sunday Service. However, what's next is the better news.

After I had my guitar training at church, I immediately went home to have my guitar course for 1 hour. I practiced, and my teacher said that he can register me into a national guitar competition and this is.. whoa. In my opinion, my guitar performance is not even close to meet the condition to join such a competition! I am a n00b~~ TT^TT. However, my teacher insisted that this is a great opportunity that I shouldn't waste about. He said that this competition is held once in a year--and It would be held in October. Honestly I'll be glad to join it, but seeing my guitar ability statistic rite now... not bad actually. Haha! I'm enthusiastic to join this! I'm thinking of a new guitar, or just a new set of nylon strings. Exaggeratively, I'll paint my guitar's body my signature. This is the first time anyway :D. Not to forget that I should practice my butts off for this competition. It cost 250k IDR, my teacher's reputation, and my perspirations. Nevertheless, it will reward me 4million IDR, reputation, and experience. We won't know if we don't try rite? Well at least if I fail I've tried.

Here is the required song, beside the optional song. So I will play two songs without time limit. The title is Allegro by M.Guiliani. I've learned that song about months ago thou so I just need to perfect it till it's perfect. That would be hard I'm sure, but I'm ready for it >:). You can listen how I played several months ago in my tumblr, here

Anyway, today my mom bought a Häagen-Dazs! Yippee~ which isn't a usual thing she buy (usually she'll buy us lofts of juicy bread). Uh huh~ o yeay~ ahem well no no no, I'm not that happy about Häagen-Dazses. It is strawberry flavoured btw, that I wish I can have a chocolate one. Häagen-Dazses are the tastiest ice creams I've ever tasted; especially the chocolate ones. Yumm.

I'm planning to edit my blog soon by the way. I'd like to add 'follow me' twitter badge and add some background image. I've designed them in moi mind.

I've got things to do, so.. Write soon :)

and here's the Häagen-Dazs! ♥

Mundane Update

2010-04-06T17:27:00.009+07:00

I guess now it is the time for me to really posting something worth to be posted here. Haha. Well, unfortunately I don't really have any physical things to be shared here. I think I would just go on writting my daily activities. Hehe.

So, today, I've been like doing nothing useful. Today isn't more effective than yesterday either (yes I know that's bad. However, still, as usual I continually find new things :). JSYK, it's holiday for me (again) now, and it will last about 5 days long.

Today's weather is pretty much annoying. It's hot, and humid. It hasn't rained since this morning (as I know), but the air is sooo hot and wet. I'm perspirating and in the same time anything wet won't dry so soon because of the humidity (and my t-shirt got wet by the droplets from the edge of my has-just-been-washed hair strands. that was sucks).

Well, at least, today I've managed to push myself having the washings done. And, it's done. Phew. Today I've been being online for about.. maybe 5 hours or more. What did I do specifically anyway? I did chat, eat, take a shower, and facebook-ing, then browsing YouTube, twittering (much) and listen to my WMP. Anyway, I found 'Haru-yo, koi' from YouTube played by a user there named Tomoliena and originally sung by Matsutoya Yumi. It's beautiful (in my opinion). The melody itself can describe the picturesqueness of spring (in Japan, Haru means Spring). I love the piano part. It may seemed like an old-fashioned song, but I personally like it. As I said, I love the piano part, playing the beautiful melodies.

Actually I was planning to practice guitar much today, and memorizing some hiragana characters (I've memorized some btw. yeay for me! :D). But as the time went by, the longer I sit in front of this very monitor of mine, the more I procrastinate to get them done. The more sluggish I be. Geez. I don't want to be sluggish. No more.

Anyway, about laptop.. I will soon buy a new one yippee! I'm planning to buy Dell Inspiron 1464 (thanks to Hana who indirectly led me to that laptop. haha) which can fulfill my requirements--such as ATIradeon or nVidia GeForce, paired with Core 2 Duo processor or higher and genuine Windows Vista OS included. Moreover, the outer appearance wasn't bad. It was close to perfect ♥. Unfortunately I can't include the photo here cuz it isn't available in Google Image search engine. The price you might ask? It's 7,2 million IDR I think (without promo or discount). Good thing that my budget is 7million :). I'm looking forward to see it in my own lap soon, as mine ♥.

Kay, now it's half past six already (I think), so I guess I should get off from this PC soon. If not, maybe I'll be stuck in front of here till 10 and forget practicing guitar. That would be worse for this already-sluggish day. Write soon (and better, I hope).

random lyrics--no special meaning. i mean it.

2010-04-06T00:08:00.003+07:00

So, this is a song, sung by Demi Lovato in her album which title I forget (all that I remember about her album's cover is that she took a pose like 'Sshh'ing--with her right point-finger in front of her lips, and set a pair of seductive eyes. Anw, the diction I chose: seductive; LOL). No special meaning about posting this lyric, it's just that tonight, that song--specifically a certain line in it--keeps on looping in my head, now. Dunno why. Here it is anyway (or should I include the mp3 too? Well, I hope later I will. Too exhausted to search the mp3 player for now.)

World Of Chances
Songwriters: Lovato, Demi; Mayer, John;

You've got a face for a smile you know
A shame you waste it when you're breaking me slowly
But I've got a world of chances for you
I've got a world of chances for you
I've got a world of chances, chances that you're burning through

I've got a paper and pen
I go to write you goodbye and that's when I know
I've got a world of chances for you
I've got a world of chances for you
I've got a world of chances, chances that you're burning through

Oh, I'm going my own way, my faith has lost its strength again
Oh, it's been too hard to say, we've fallen off the edge again
We're at the end, we're at the end

Maybe you'll call me someday
Hear the operator say the number's no good
And that she had a world of chances for you
She had a world of chances for you
She had a world of chances, chances you were burning through
Chances you were burning through, chances you were burning through

You've got a face for a smile you know

some random lyrics (Fallin' by Keyshia Cole)

2010-04-04T14:31:00.007+07:00

Fallin' by Keyshia cole

[verse 1 ]
Been sitting thinking about you and I and wondering why were not getting along
so frustrated 'cause what we had was a happy home.
I don't know what the situation is but I can tell in the way we kiss
we don't talk no more it feels better when I'm alone

[pre-chorus:]
Sometimes I feel like there's no getting through to you
like you don't appreciate all that I do.
you gotta show me that you want me to stay
don't turn & walk away

[chorus:]
baby I'm slowly falling out of love with you
I don't know what to do,
how did we end up here this way?
what are we gonna do?
I'm slowly falling out.. baby
we're tripping on silly things
boy I need you to meet me halfway,
if you want me to be with you..

[verse 2]
I remember when, I'd be with my friends
you checked on me and made time to call
but how things have changed? --
now I don't hear from you at all.
Yeah yeah yeah

[pre-chorus]

[chorus]

[bridge]
don't let your pride get in the way,
for something we worked so hard --
don't throw it away
I've been tryna make you see
everything you need is right here with me

[pre-chorus]

[chorus]

Slowly falling
slowly falling

How did we end up here this way?
Oh

Slowly falling
slowly falling

How did we end up here this way?
oh

[repeat till end]

Raindrops fallin' on my head, but that's doesn't mean that I am dead

2010-03-28T23:25:00.005+07:00

Oh here I post again. It's not that I'm now free thou, however I just want to take a break (I'm wishing a 2-weeks holiday without anything required to be done, except my own hobby commitments) from the hustle bustle of the week. Well, now it's already THE END of the weekend and that makes me, honestly, mad. WHY keeps on appearing among my void thoughts.

Anyway, accidentally I am reminded by this song, that I heard in Spiderman 2 yesterday. I find this song, cute, and can't stop singing it (I bet tomorrow I'll make my classmates sing the song along with me khukhukhu). Here is the lyric (that I love the bolded line :D)

Raindrops Keep Fallin' On My Head by B.J Thomas

Raindrops keep fallin' on my head

And just like the guy whose feet are too big for his bed

Nothin' seems to fit

Those raindrops are fallin' on my head, they keep fallin'

So I just did me some talkin' to the sun

And I said I didn't like the way he got things done

Sleepin' on the job

Those raindrops are fallin' on my head, they keep fallin'

But there's one thing I know

The blues they send to meet me won't defeat me

It won't be long till happiness steps up to greet me

Raindrops keep fallin' on my head

But that doesn't mean my eyes will soon be turnin' red

Cryin's not for me

'Cause I'm never gonna stop the rain by complainin'

Because I'm free

Nothin's worryin' me

[trumpet]

It won't be long till happiness steps up to greet me

Raindrops keep fallin' on my head

But that doesn't mean my eyes will soon be turnin' red

Cryin's not for me

'Cause I'm never gonna stop the rain by complainin'

Because I'm free

Nothin's worryin' me

My Trip to Singapore

2010-01-09T11:46:00.008+07:00

Finally I can write again! For the whole 5 days I wasn't able to be online neither to reply text messages. Yeah, I've just came back from Singapore, with my family, and we enjoy the trip. It was quite exhausting and tiring for our legs to walk from one place to another place there, but within the time we took for walking from and to places, we saw many interesting things, plus accompanied by fresh air of Singapore, walking that far wasn't a problem.

Day 1

We were picked up by a van from my mom's big boss (and that was a good thing) to the apartment we were going to stay in. We stayed in Orchard Scotts and it was a pleasure living there; a clean, nice place, complete with room service, wide screen TV. The place was very comfortable to live in. We took a rest and packed out our luggages as soon as we arrived. I watched CSI: Miami, and Made (MTV program). At first we were confused on how to change the channel and things but finally the only one who mastered the TV was me. Muahaha.

In the evening, we ate dinner in Food Village in Takashimaya. Before having our dinner, we took some photos in front of Ngee Ann City, also visited Kinokuniya Book Store but didn't manage to buy a book because of the limited time--that my dad had made an appointment with my aunt to meet at Food Village. In Food Village I found fish-shaped dorayaki stand there. I bought it and.. it was juicy. Now I miss the fish-shaped dorayaki :(. There were also thin-sliced-fried potatoes satay. It was also delicious. Foods there ARE delicicous. However, I still prefer Surabayan foods, somehow. Maybe my tongue is already used to Surabayan foods XP.

Day 2

In the second day of our trip to Singapore, we had our breakfast first before we left apartment again to explore Singapore more. I took 1 glass of orange juice, 1 bowl of cereal, 1 pastry, and some scrambled egg. After finishing our breakfast we went to Sentosa. We took MRT from our apartment that is near to Newton MRT station. From Newton, we passed Orchard and Somerset to Dhoby Ghaut Interchange. Then we took North East Line to Harbour Front. Right after we went out from Harbour Front Station we entered Vivo City. We continued our journey to Sentosa and went there by sky train. Inside the sky train there was a Japanese family--I guess, because they were sound to speak Japanese for me. We went to Imbiah and took some photos there. Then my lil' bro, sis, also my dad and Robi played LUGE. I was tipsy--okay, not tipsy as I already know the exact meaning now but had kinda light motion sickness caused by the flu medicine I took in the morning so I didn't play LUGE along w/ them. After finished waiting for them playing LUGE, we watched 4D cinema. It was quite fun, that the seat we sat on could move along with the motions in the movie. But I still prefer the Pirates one that seats could produced water splash and could make us feel that we were really in the movie such as passed-by-insects-like feeling. Then we ate some hotdogs and continued our journey to Siloso by bus. Anyway, I found a hilarious thing in the bus:

In Siloso we visited Underwater World, visited the beach and went back to Vivo city. I've attached some photos I took in Siloso in the photo album above.

I found some interesting things in Vivo City. I bought a cute bag there, also bought some cute keychains for my friends. There's also Food Republic there and I ate Chicken Rice for dinner while Robi ate Hor Fun (I still don't know what actually is Hor Fun thou)

Day 3

This is the day when I made a stupid mistake. So we had our breakfast in apartment and my siblings swam in the morning. After taking a shower and getting ready, we went to Kinokuniya. My mom and I bought books there. I bought What I Talk About When I Talk About Running by Haruki Murakami. You can check out the book here. I browsed more books there and I drooled (not literally yah). There are many great books, and comics. What a pity, Kinokuniya Book Store only had Alive manga till about.. volume 7 or 8, while Trimedia Book Store in Indonesia has had till maybe volume 14-17 already. Still, I was drooling, seeing so many books about illustrating, graphic design.. aww ♥. We continued walking to OG, and browsed clothes there. I found some promos for teens' clothes there but didn't purchase, cause, well.. the colors weren't colors that I actually like, also that I wanted to purchase a pair of pants, but pants there were too short! The promos were quite good--2 for S$ 20. Then we went to Plaza Singapore and I bought gifts for my friends and ought to pay total S$ 37.80. I was shocked that my money was already run out. My mom and Robi told me that my friend don't worth that much money that me myself hadn't even buy any cloth that day. I felt stress, guilty, and blamed myself. I ended up crying, seriously. Lessons I really learned: friends that I have don't worth that much money because they won't appreciate the gifts I bought with the limited money I got. Second: never buy any gifts for them again.

With the guilty feeling I carried on, my dad and I went to Singapore Art Museum (SAM) and I was once again disappointed. There was nothing interesting in SAM for me because I am interested in digital arts, not some historical arts. Plus I didn't get any useful catalog for Ce Huey and myself.

However, I was quite cheered up that my mom gave me more S$ 20 to buy new clothes (that as the matter of fact I didn't found any cloth that's match for me and didn't bought any)

For dinner we were treated eating at Bumbu Desa in Spore where my auntie manage. Then we spent the night, tired.

Day 4

Almost the last day that day. We went to Merlion Park and took some photos. After finished taking photos we went to Esplanade and explored around. We saw executed criminals with their last meal request photos along the hall to MRT. It was quite scary how some of them were executed by lethal injection, and some were executed by electric chair >,<. Next, we went to Suntec City Mall and had our lunch there. We also visited Fountain of Wealth and browsed clothes. As I said, I didn't find any clothes that suits me.

Day 5 - Last Day

My siblings and I went to sleep real late, enjoying night cartoon for the last night of the trip. We woke up late and they--my siblings went swimming as soon as we finished our breakfast. Me, accompanied my mom purchasing some goods to be brought home. We were already exhausted. In the afternoon we went to Changi Airport, and fortunately, my mom's working colleague was very kind that he ordered a van to pick us up so we wouldn't worry about carrying our heavy luggages in MRT to Changi. Things in Changi are really expensive that I couldn't buy a thing there. I tried to go online but the free computers there weren't working. Omg. Then we went boarding and got checked. Poor lil' sister, her bubble bottle were more than 100ml, and that was against the rule. The bubble bottle ended up in Changi's trash bin. The authorities were very mean. After having her bubble bottle disposed, she remained silent, hugging her teddy bear that she was still cheerfully played w/ my lil' bro before. The flight took 2 hours more, through bad weather (rain, fyi.)

It was a great experience there in Singapore. Plus, love the cheese cake. ♥ it. ♥ it. ♥ it. Aww, I think now I'm addicted to cheese cakee.. aww ♥♥♥~ gimme cheese cake!!

Self Image

2009-12-20T13:27:00.006+07:00

Well, so I got this from my weekly bulletin from my church, and I found it good, so now I'm gonna share this.. and be grateful that I'm able to translate this from it's original language: Indonesian XP. Here we go..

Have we ever noticed, that there is a man, or woman whose appearance is just simple as it is but seems so attractive? On the contrary, there is a woman which appear so glamour, pretty, wrapped by expensive gown and accessories but somehow has no appeal?

In fact, there is no ugly man or woman in this world. Each person are created unique and perfect by God. What exist are people who let their beauty buried, that makes it unable to shine. By building a positive image, then buried beauty would emerge and develop. Physical beauty would attract our attention but beauty of a character wins our heart.

Once there was a famous businessman who was graduated from Harvard University in an interview, and asked, "What do you think a beautiful woman is?" and he answered, "Beauty isn't just about physical appearance. There are women who are very pretty but after we talk with her about 5 minutes, we start to have no idea of what else to be talked about." This proves that beauty isn't only about physical appearance but also needs to be supported by inner beauty.

Generally, everyone tends to be attracted by people who have a positive self-image. Instead of wide knowledge, attractive personality become the key for inner beauty to emerge--a charm in a person through a positive self-image. People prefer being around somebody who has positive attitude. This is the real source personal appeal--that usually called as a charisma--be formed; something that is hard to explained by words but have a real effect. People are attracted to a person who has charisma, and follow him.

Then how to build a positive self-image so we are able to be a personal with charisma and appeal?

1. Love yourself

It seems that the statement above is very selfish but as the matter of fact, only people who can love themselves, are able to love other. Only people who can accept themselves with all of their strengths and weaknesses, can accept other the way they are. This thing is the one which makes us able to have a positive self-image. Everybody love being close to people who can accept themselves as they are. This become one of the keys to be an interesting personal :)

2. Self-talk

Aware or not, we talk to ourselves more than we speak to other. We even often being too harsh to ourselves. When we make mistakes, we would say, "Yes, I am a loser." that generate low self-esteem, insecure feeling and assume ourselves don't have any future for just a simple mistake. Instead we should have said, "I made mistake, but I learn from it and able to fix / avoid the same mistake in the future." This sentence would make us feel better. Correct sentence we have, can build the right self-image, so we have to be careful of what we say to ourselves. We have to learn admitting ourselves as we are, and forgive our own mistakes.

3. Give appreciation

Where do we able to know that we have a negative mindset? From our feelings! If we feel depressed, failing, sad, angry, or afraid, those are signs that we have already having a negative mindset. Immediately turn those negative thoughts to positive ones. How? By taking a note of good things we have, achievements we had achieved, good things we have done, then we'll feel much better. Give an appreciation to our achievements then we'll be more enthusiastic to face our life and our future. Do you know that enthusiastic personals always have being interesting to other? Benjamin Franklin always do this because he believes that this habit can regularly make him grow and develop more enthusiastically.

4. Set Goal

Only people who have target(s) to be achieved who are passionate, facing this life. When we have target(s) and willingly work for it/them, then we'll have confidence grow in ourselves. Without target we'll have our life seems stagnant, we'll lose our confidence and life would be boring. By goal-setting making exciting experience would leave us feeling precious. Only people who have target(s) attract other. Sometimes there are people who hate seeing rich and success person enter the church and got more attention. They say that the person gets more attention because he is rich and success. It's true, but actually naturally each of us attracted to people who are success from our point of view.

5. Relax

People who get panic easily of course aren't attractive to other that problems and fears are parts of life that can't be refused. It's human to be nervous and worry things but we have to accept and face them wisely. Sometimes there are problems which make us cornered that we see no possible solution that then we leave them and by the day goes by, usually there would be cracks that lead us to the solution. Letting ourselves being drowned in fear would make us appear messy and become not an attractive person at all. We strict ourselves that we have to be wise to change what can be changed, and accept what can't be changed. People who are calm and have positive mindset with hope are always attractive to other even when they are in a big trouble. Only mature people who are able to do that.

6. Talk with confidence

When we are being ourselves we would be able to talk confidently. Never try to imitate other, no matter how cool they are. Try to talk with other about things they know about. If we talk to businessmen then talk about business. If we talk to athlete then talk about sport. This would make us seem to have an interesting personality. Give a lot of questions so other can tell you more. Basically, everyone love to be listened so their emotional need to feel 'important' fulfilled. When we are not sure what they are talking about or have no idea about the topic that is being discussed, do not hesitate to ask. An interesting thing that other respect us when we ask than when we pretend as we know everything. People would be glad to explain because that makes them feel 'important'. That's why people are happy to explain when they're asked by, even a stranger, about directions.

7. Be a good listener

People are attracted to us when we are able to be a good listener. Dale Carnegie said that one day he listened to somebody who talked about hours and when he finished that person told his friend that Dale is 'a good speaker'. A colleague who appeared simple made many men fell in love with her. The fact was that her male friends was attracted because she listens with empathy and she know exactly when to ask and give her opinion. She also is a wise woman that all her male and female friends enjoy to hang out with her and feel respected.

The "self-image" is the key to human personality and human behavior. Change the self image and you change the personality and the behavior. (Maxwell Maltz)

By learning to do those steps above then we'll grow to be a person with a joyful, strong, self-image :)

And they that be wise shall shine as the brightness of the firmament; and they that turn many to righteousness as the stars for ever and ever. (Daniel 12:3)

Let This Go - Paramore

2009-12-18T19:59:00.006+07:00

Here's a lyric of Let This Go by Paramore whose song is beloved, by me :D. Man.. my internet connection is getting real sloOoOoOowWw.. while someone isn't being responsible for what he has done. Grr.

Maybe if my heart stops beating
It won't hurt this much
And never will I have to answer
Again to anyone

Please don't get me wrong because...

I'll never let this go
But I can't find the words to tell you
I don't want to be alone
But now I feel like I don't know you

One day you'll get sick of
Saying that everything's all right
And by then I'm sure I'll be
Pretending just like I am tonight

Please don't get me wrong because...

I'll never let this go
But I can't find the words to tell you
I don't want to be alone
But now I feel like I don't know you

Let this go
Let this go

I'll never let this go
But I can't find the words to tell you
I don't want to be alone
But now I feel like I don't know you

But I'll never let this go
But I can't find the words to tell you
Yet now I feel like I don't know you

Yeap yeap yeapp.. My spirit is back :). Now I'm on fire to workin out several plans I've made for this holiday. Support by prayers needed. Write later~

Stupid Thoughts of 15 y.o Girl

2009-12-15T22:38:00.002+07:00

So now I'm confuse. I've planned several.. well, around 10++ things to do this holiday. I've been through my early-holiday days, and till now I ended up doin nothin worthy.. The guilty feeling of mine starts blaming myself and force me to think more seriously. Seriously. Well, yeah =p.

These are plans I've made for this December holiday:
1. Establish a company. Objective: making money.
2. Improving my guitar skill
3. Improving my English ability
4. Learn Japanese language
5. Mastering 'Secret by Jay Chou' piano
6. Learn to be discipline
7. Improve Math
8. ImproveMandarin
9. Shape up my abs

Well, those in the list are not 10 actually. Yeah.. they aren't 10, or even more. He he. But, they are still difficult to accomplish!! Grr.
As I grow older.. well I don't know if any other teens ever feel this way, but.. I keep on feelin more stupid. The more I learn, the more I find myself not enough--not knowledgable enough, not a good enough guitarist, not a good enough artist, not a good enough.. student. That feelings, really add up my regret. And, honestly now I ended up.. hopefully not but; I am stuck with my nature: laziness. Grr. That nature is instead my habit of easily getting distracted. Awh man.. get it right.. It's funny how I want to success while I don't want to go through the process while actually success is the process.

Now I do want hats, clothes, McD's cheeseburger, waffle, milkshake, mango juice, belts, shoes, notebooks, a laptop, LG cookies, iPod, fashionably clothes, fashionably accecories, good novels, terang bulan, and many more.. in the same time #freakingthoughts XP. I guess the only way out for me is just: pray.

Write later~

blue day, tuesday

2009-12-09T22:39:00.006+07:00

Somehow, and.. I'm not sure why.. today I don't really enjoy the day being.. Maybe I'm having what people call: 'Teenage Blue'.. well I don't know.. I keep on thinking about someone I shouldn't have thought about.. I do what I know I shouldn't have done and I didn't do things I knew I should have done.. But, at least, I learn some things today..

So, if you are feeling blue, or feel like you're in a mess.. don't do:
- making other people around you victims for your bad mood
- ignoring people around who need your help
- shouting at your little brother or sister
- procrastinate urgent tasks
- letting negative thoughts manipulate your precious mind
- complaining about anything
- do nothing
- or wasting time with not important things

instead, to avoid unwanted concequences.. do:
- smile to everyone even it's hard
- help people who need your help
- try to play with your lil' bro and sis as possible
- finish your tasks soon
- try your best on thinking positive reasons upon unwanted conditions while throwing away negative ones
- shut your mouth, zip it, sew it if it's goin to complain; replace with gratefulness
- make a spontaneous to-do list for the whole day and forget about other things, make yourself focus on your tasks

And hey.. I'm back :). I will update as much as possible. Wish me get my new laptop soon. The sooner the laptop come, the sooner I would be active, blogging. I also wish to reconstruct this blog's appearance XP. Write soon~

Gloom, Bloom, Blast!

2009-09-12T20:16:00.003+07:00

Heya, it has been a very long time for me.. not to write again (what kind of blogger am I eh?). Now it has been about 2 months of highschool life, but I've missed JHS already..

I've just gone back from LDKS (which is a leadership training camp, that the participants are the chosen ones from classes. In my class, there were only 5 people chosen, including me, and we were chosen because of our above-class-average scores) and I was labeled as 'the quiet one' there. Yeap.. I didn't give much opinion there. I participated in my group, but my teammates are kinda ignoring my ideas, and focus only on their ideas, and that in those 3 days I was idea-less.. or blank. There was once, a reflection hours, led by facilitator of our group.. and her words were cornering me.. indirectly (I'm hurt for honest). Also in testimonial times what I got were that 3 of my teammates said "Don't just be quiet all the time. Talk", or "Shout ur opinion, don't be shy"..

Well, how to "shout out" my opinion when I've got no opinion or comment for any of the sessions?

Lately I often think much much longer before I decide on anything or do anything. I avoid mistakes. I felt like fish out of water within those 3 days. I told my close-classmate and she said, "How come you became a quiet girl that you usually are a loud, cheerful person??" I don't know either.. And now I have no interest to connect with my teammates..

After LDKS sumtimes I wonder, is it because my school is a quite-elite school, that for going out to mall a day would spent 50thousand rupiahs for minimum. That makes me rather rare to hang out with other not-close friends (my close-friends know about my economy condition)

Also lately I suffer from talking unclearly, sometimes babbling, and often wandering away (a state of not focus that makes us don't understand what is happening or what other are talking bout to us. kind of a half unconcious) Hey, what happened to me?

back. highschool already..

2009-08-02T22:52:00.003+07:00

Here I'm back, again. Now I've been busy for weeks caused by school's lessons that makes me got really bad scores if I don't study hard. Not just studying.. Lately I feel so stupid.. Especially when it comes to counting things.. Not just stupid. Idiot maybe? And I've been stressed caused of that.. Cause the condition is that my highschool now discriminates..

So my level is divided into 8 classes. X1 till X8. X1 contains students from Gloria who are superior in math and physics. X2 contains non-Gloria-graduated students who are superior in math and physics. X3 and X4 contains mixed students (Gloria-graduated and non) who--as my friend said--have special ability/ies. For example, in my class, X4, there's Michelle Fenhan who had brought Gloria JHS DBL trophy twice for 2 years in row. But other friend of mine said that the classes depends on the UNAS result. Is it? Then, X5-X8 is likely to have bigger chance to be classified as IPS (social) class--that in Indonesia seen as more stupid than IPA (science) classes. And there is an extraculicullar called Lingkungan Hidup (nature stuffs) have a rule that only X1-X4 can join..

This discrimination has driven me crazy for these weeks. I boosted up time for study math and physics and now I've been exhausted of studying math and physics. (I really am having kind of depressed-face these days.. I used to talk a bunch with my pals.. Like having every topics each minutes.. Now I'm just like a dummy.. I have no topic to discuss with, and my mind's now full of algebra, numbers, equationn.. HATE THAT!!) For short, now I feel illussionly, unconsiderably, unconciously.. aimless. It's like being too lazy to do any.. even drawing, rope-skipping, practicing guitar, browsing.. How come?

What I'm trying to recover the condition now is by praying more, and try to get myself busy of anything.. avoiding myself from not doing anything. Everytime I do nothing, I would regret cause I feel like I've wasted minutes of my life..

Is this happen because I procrastinate much?

Procrastination has been the worst habit I've had in my life.. And it hasn't gone till now.. I want to change to a better person.. and it is difficult. Really. Now I am a baby eagle which now's released from the high hill to the cold, unforgiving sky, and trying so hard to flap out my wings so I can fly and save from the bottom-rocky-land..

Maybe it is just I have to add more colour to my life now!! Yeah =)

I'm pursuiting taekwondo class!! I really want to learn taekwondo. Lodi said it is a fun martial-art class to have, and it is available now near my house =D. I really want to join.. and the condition to accept is that I have to get good marks for math and physics so my mom won't worry about my scores so she would let me join taekwondo! Clever me ^^

See ya next post!

aza aza fighting!! ^^

Low Blood Pressure -to deal with

2009-07-10T18:03:00.003+07:00

Physical Activity (Low Blood Pressure)

Physical Activity helps cleansing, it brings balance and relieves stress.
Psycho-physical activities will help you balance your body and will help you relief accumulated stress. You will have to find a form of exercise that suit you. I will just give you a few examples:

Mini Trampoline jumping - rebounding!
Meditation
Walk or jog in the nature : Forest, Mountain , river / sea / lake side, beach ... fishing, photo-safari, rowing, riding, golf, ...

Tai Chi, Chi Gong, Meditation ...
Yoga - Hatha, Meditation, Chinese Yoga ...
Martial Arts: Karate, Judo, Kung Fu, Teakwood, Budokai, Uechi, Aikido ...
Dancing, Aerobics, Gymnastics, Stretching ...
Swimming in non-chlorinated water ! ( Best in minerals rich water - Ocean ! )
Weight lifting, ....

Do not exhaust yourself !

Do not exercise with full stomach ! (You may take a walk!)

Do not hurt yourself !

-----------------

That's what I found while browsing how to deal with Low Blood Pressure (LBP for short, Hypotension to complicate yourself). Let's see if this is effective for me. 1 glass of mineral water per hour. Yeah! Go healthy life!!

From Me to You.. advice, tips, and the like -credit to someone I forgotten the ID

2009-07-09T11:39:00.006+07:00

This really is taken from a journal from dA. Unfortunately.. I forget already who posted this journal.. Gomen for anyone who posted this journal. I wish I can credit and link to you, but the fact, I can't. Hope she/he is in my friendlist. If he/she is, then you can check each of them whether one of them have this journal entry. Ehehe.. Yare yare.. Anyway, I found this by browsing as usual.. and I think this is just a good reference for me, and I hope for everyone else. Text below are copy-pasted. No edit. Actually I just post it so I can read it with a better beackground and view than reading this through notepad XP. Here it is anyway..

by someone I forgotten the ID. gomen..

I think the most important tip I can give anyone is that it is important to take regular art classes and learn the basics of art. It's only through practice of real life subjects that you can gain a deeper understanding of light and shadow, color balance, and different techniqes that are just as important in digital painting as in painting in real media. If you have access to classes, I say, go for it! I don't post many of my still life sketches or oil paintings up on my DA, but I have done them. Behind every piece in my gallery, there are hours and hours of practice on RL subjects in my sketchbook and canvases that have led up to developing a piece.
As for her other questions...

What program/s do you use, what tools do you use?

I usually use regular pencil and paper to draw all the lineart for my finished pictures. Then, I scan my pencil sketch onto the computer via Photoshop. I find that I don't have to ink my lineart since my sketches are usually pretty developed and tight enough to be used as the lineart for the final drawing pending some changes, however, if you do need to ink your lineart, then go ahead and do so.

After this, I usually save the file into jpeg at 100% quality and size, and open up the file in Open Canvas. Open Canvas has a handy multiply mode for its layers which allows you to paint right on top of your lineart without covering the blacklines. I usually lay down the skin color, hair color, clothing color, and background color (if the picture has a background) in that order. The coloring is pretty rough at this stage and I try to stick to midtones, since I'm just trying to see if the colors will all work together or not. Then, once I see what I need to change/keep the same, I start refining the base coloring that I had done before. I add shadows and highlights at this point and contours and anything else I need to do.

Once I have my basic coloring done, I merge all my layers together and start painting on top of the lineart as well. This will depend on your style, on how much emphasis you place on your lineart. I like coloring over my lineart, and leaving it untouched in certain places to define those areas, ie, face shape, eyes etc.

Once this is done, I save the file into jpeg and reload it into photoshop. This is the time when I make my final color changes, add tones/noise, fix the contrast, etc. Then I add my signature, save, and voila.

What brush types do you use when you color?

Brush types aren't as important in Photoshop and Open Canvas as they are in Painter, and since I'm not a Painter user, I don't really hold that much importance in brush type. I usually like to choose a brush that will give me a variation in opacity (opacity is how transparent the color is...100% opacity means no white from the background paper shows through) . Since I work with a tablet, I try to go with a brush that will let me darken and widen my lines as I press down harder on the tablet. Open Canvas is good in that they have many types of brushes that will allow you to do this, though I like to stick with the pencil brush when I'm doing fine details and the watercolor brush when I'm filling in large areas.

How can I produce clean lines that slightly vary in thickness?

This usually depends on having a pressure sensitive device (ie tablet). And a brush that allows different opacities depending on pressure.

If you're thinking about getting a tablet, I recommend a Wacom. If your not sure about whether or not you want to do art seriously, but would like to try out a tablet, I recommend the Wacom Graphire line. I've heard that it works decently and is pretty affordable.

I have a Wacom Intuos, which is a step above the Graphire, meaning more sensitivity, however, its also more expensive. If you know you want to do digital art seriously, it's not a bad idea to invest in a Intuos tablet.

There is another line that's a step above the Intuos, but you probably don't need that unless you're thinking of/are doing art professionally.

Hope this answers some of your questions.

...Another question...anyone think I should to a tutorial? And if so, then on what?

:3
-----------------

browse whether he/she is in my friend list here

PS: Actually I would post that journal entry w/o edit.. but it was impossible, caused by html error that make the texts do not appear as I want them to.. T.T

NEW SPIRIT!!!

2009-07-09T06:46:00.004+07:00

Ahaaa.. even last nite I couldn't really fall asleep (I laid on the bed already.. but my eyes wouldn't shut!!) I "wake up" this morning with the new spirit!! Yeah!! Haha.. Hontou ni arigatou gozaimasu Kami-sama~

Today, I would continue washing my clothes ehehehh.. Aand.. I think today I would almost fully use my time to print out Rovina's notebook and Wallmax postings.. Yeahaa.. OKAY!!

Ehm.. listing out what I should do for this entire bright day ^^..

1. Editing Grace's article and show it up to Huey nee-san, after agreed, print.
2. Print Rovina's notebook
3. Continue yearbook: content, student council's pages, closing parts.
4. Draw for Cynthia n Rossie's b'day gift =)

That's it!!!!! Ahaaaa~ I'm so excited rite now =3. hyper mode: ON!!

gonna get workin asap. Ja ne~

Birthday..

2009-07-09T00:32:00.003+07:00

So.. yesterday was my birthday (8 July 09). Aand, I didn't celebrate it personally.. But my family, especially my mom treated me lunch at bentoya, SPI this afternoon. Also Rovina, treated me lunch, right after I had lunch w/ my friends.. That made me could'nt eat much. I was full already! XD

Now, I'm confused.. First, that why I slept from about 8 p.m, n now I can sleep no more >.<. The second is, that somehow ppl are vanishing rite away!! Whether in FB, CB, or Y!m.. *screaming, rolling on the floor* << no lah!

Aahh.. highschool gonna star 2 tomorrow.. It feels so fast!! And the bad thing is that Yearbook isn't finished yet.. It is quite stressfull thinking of yearbook.. GOD, I need a break..

list of things i haven't done.. and HAVE TO be done::

-Yearbook:
^ content
^ Student Council's photos
^ the Closing part

-Notebook:
^ May haven't given her photos
^ Print Rovina's notebook

awh mann.. Now I'm having a head ache ==". I've been too much thinking till I can't enjoy the life I have.. haha.. I should be relax more.. but I feel like I have no time to relax.. I want to reach my goal.. I can't become lazy anymore!!

GOD.. help me while I'm living this 15th year of my life.. I pray so I wouldn't fall onto the evil but stays in the right path of Thee.. I beg You, my Lord.. Arigatou gozaimasu Kami-sama.. Amen..

velonica!

2009-07-04T21:33:00.002+07:00

Romaji:
zasetsu mamire ryuukou ni magire shiawase na furi wo shite utau
motto hashire to iikikashite mubou ni mo sotto kazakami e
kita michi wo ichibetsu yutori wa gomen shimensoka sansen ni tsugu one game
"yama ari tani ari gake ari" gomi wa tsumotteku
hateshinai tabi no tochuu de machi no hazure ni tachiyoru
tsukareta ryouashi wo sotto nagedashite nekorobu to kurikaesareru asai nemuri
nandomo onaji ano yokogao nandomo onaji ano kotoba wo...
"ikiteru dake de kanashii to omou no wa watashi dake na no?" to

tabako no kemuri ga chuu wo uneri utsuro ni kieru

kitto mada chikara naki osanai hi ni
minakute ii kanashimi wo mite kita kimi wa ima
koraenakute ii namida wo koraete sugoshiteru
honto no koto dake de ikite yukeru hodo
bokura wa tsuyokunai sa tsuyokunakute ii
ii?

mochiageta mabuta sekai wa haru da sakurairo no kaze wo kakiwakete
haruka kanata e mukau tochuu kono na no hanabatake ni kimi wa ita no ka na
kono sora ni tori no shiroi habataki wo boku ga sagasu ma kitto
kimi wa daichi ni mimi wo sumashi ari no kuroi ashioto wo sagashita n darou na

pierrot no you na kamen wo haide taiyou ni wasurerareta oka ni tachi

tsuki no hikari wo abite fukaku iki wo suu
sara wo wareru oto mo donari goe mo nai sekai
nukumori ga nakutatte ikite wa yukeru sa
dakedo bokura ikiteru dake ja tarinakute

mebuku daichi ya buatsui miki ya kiesaru niji ya sugisaru hibi ya
yozora no speaker shiki no fushigi ga oshiete kureta shinjitsu wo sagashi tsuzukeru bokura ni

doko made tabi wo shite mo inochi no hajimari wa
ikite ai saretai to naita hitori no akago
koko de wa nai doko ka wo mezasu riyuu to wa
kokoro de wa nai doko ka ni kotae wa nai to shiru tame

English Translation:
Smeared with frustration, lost in fads, I sing as I pretend to be happy
Persuading myself to run some more, I go recklessly and quietly windward
Taking a glance at the road I came down, sorry I've got time to spare; Enemies on all sides, one game after going into war
"Life has its mountains, valleys, and cliffs" Garbage piles up
On an endless journey, I stop by the outskirts of town
Quietly throwing down my tired legs, when I lie down I fall into a repeating shallow sleep
That same profile over and over again, saying those same words over and over again
"Am I the only one that thinks being alive is sad?"

Cigarette smoke rolls into the air and disappears into the empty space

On a day when we're definitely still feeble and childish
You now have looked at a sadness that you don't have to look at
You're passing the time holding back tears that you don't have to hold back
We're not so strong that I can live my life only by what's real
We don't have to be strong
Alright?

I raised my eyelids and the world was in spring; Pushing my way through the cherry blossom colored wind
Headed toward somewhere far away, I wonder if you were in this vegetable garden?
As I searched for the flapping of white bird's wings in the sky
I wonder if you definitely listened closely to the ground and searched for an ant's black footsteps?

Taking off the pierrot like mask, standing on a hill forgotten by the sun

Basking in the moonlight, I take in a deep breath
A world without yelling voices and the sound of plates cracking
We can live our lives without warmth
But us just living our lives isn't enough

The budding earth, the thick trees, the disappearing rainbow, the passing days
And the night sky's speaker; The wonders of the four seasons taught us, who continue to search for truth, these things

No matter how far you travel, at the beginning of life
We were lone babies that cried out to want to live and be loved
For the sake of knowing that the reason for heading somewhere that isn't here
Is somewhere that isn't in the heart

love the meanings :D
it is so.. ME

confusion.. confession..

2009-07-03T20:10:00.002+07:00

everything is my fault.
everybody blames me.

even i am the one who's guilty..
i am not the only one in the world who does sins!!

they say i am hard to communicate to..
who are my parents who should have teach me how to communicate well??

who's fault?? my fault?? why it is always my fault???????? IS IT THAT YOU'RE TOO HOLY TO FEEL A BIT GUILTY OF YOUR DISABILITY TO EDUCATE ME ALL THIS TIME?????

why is it always me?
you are the ones who GOD chose to take care of me while i'm in this cruel world..
but you always make me cornered with all the blame you drop upon me..

who are you??

you DON'T KNOW me.. so NEVER JUDGE me.. get yourself a mirror please.

I am small and the world is big
All around me is fast moving
Surrounded by so many things..
But suddenly, suddenly

I am young and I am free
But I get tired and I get weak
I get lost and I can't sleep...

How Does It Feel by Avril Lavigne

final exam scores and pursuiting new laptop

2009-06-24T23:58:00.009+07:00

It has been a quite long time for me to not write I guess.. Haha. These days I've been.. too busy to write. Yearbook still haven't finished yet (omg), and I've spent lot of time practice my drawing skill ( I am a total NOOB!! My drawings--after I look it back, actually compare it to those artists' pieces.. eheheh) and refresh a bit.. I start--somehow, and this is under my conciousness--back to social life.. This morning I walked with wallmax crew to PTC, watched Transformer 2 (I still think the title is Terminator.. IT IS A TOTAL DIFFERENT BETWEEN THEM!! Yeah, my brain has messed around everywhere.. I can't think clear and sane again.. GOD, help me) and last night I misspelled the name Vanessa--a little girl in wallmax crew--Veronica. Baka no ryuu. Baka baka. I really have to cure or even reconstruct my brain

Also.. here is my final exam result. Not fully satisfied, but.. it's already makes me glad..

National Exam:
Indonesian Language 8.80
English Language 9.60
Mathematics 9.00
Science 7.75

Total 35.15 out of 40.00

(that's quite high.. but yea, I guess this year student's score around Indonesia are high upon the sky )

School Final Exam:
Religion
Written: 9.07
Practical: 9.60

Civics
Written: 9.11

Indonesian Language
Practical: 7.25

English
Practical: 10.00

Science
Practical: 9.85

Social Study
Written: 8.59

Art
Written: 9.26
Practical: 9.60

P.E
Practical: 8.50

I.T
Written: 9.38 (I was quite sure that I made it perfectly.. So, I made mistakes??)
Practical: 10.00

Javanese
Written: 8.56
Practical: 10.00

Mandarin Language (or you can say Chinese)
Written: 8.56
Practical: 8.60

total for written 62.90 out of 70.00
total for practical 83.40 out of 90.00

Ahaha.. I feel like my workhard for about 1 week wasn't a waste. Proud of it.

And because my scores are high upon the clouds (not the sky), my mom decided to buy me a new laptop (my dad still consider it as not enough. but my mom persuade him that my scores are already great, and he agreed to pay 50% of te price. khekhekhe). I haven't got it yet, but I've survey the types, think over the price, examine whether it has core 2 duo processor, high vga card, high RAM, high hardware capability, high vista or not, bluetooth, and so on.. I've marked several types which fulfill my requirements. Later when there's already the money and time, I would like to go to the shop.

Last thing.. my insomnia (and brain concetration and sanity) is getting worse. Two days ago I couldn't sleep for a whole night till morning.. In the morning, I took some photos from the rooftop. I submitted one in dA. But it went into Scraps category (i've edit it 3 times--even more, but it didn't change the category!!! I even changed the title!! But it still in Scraps category until now :tsk:)

Btw, I've add some emoticons there!! . But it still like not satisfying enough for me that these emoticon system is not yet efficient.. it has no code system that make it typeable.. also the emos are not having complete expression types.
I'll edit it and improve it soon. Life is flat w/o emotions

common question..

2009-06-11T00:50:00.003+07:00

money or love?

You should have heard this question hundred times in ur life don't you? Then ask yourself that question. Most people would answer love. And usually they got 'wise' reasons upon that. Even I would answer the same thing.. but.. your answer would be different when you are truly in the condition.

If you choose love..

Are you sure you can live with no money in hands? Are you sure you can survive without jealousy upon your friends who are easily get what they want in the same time they want it? Are you sure you can survive with the shame that you are labeled as the one who is.. poor cuz you rarely can watch movies along with them, and many of them... are slowly.. forgetting, and don't care?

If you choose money..

Are you sure you can live in a complete house with PS4, newest MacBook, Blackberry, unlimited cash flowing in your hands, but you never even able to feel what it is like to beloved? Are you sure you would get the happiness that you have been searching for, by spending all of your money?

which one would you choose?
-----------------

I asked in Y!Answer.. and got 4 answers total in 6minutes. But, then I found this one.. and this, helps me... even a bit.

by Vanessa

Love off course....Money is important but it cant keep you happy alone...Having love is more important to me than anything else....having more money might add to the happiness but happiness wont come if there is money and no love....But if there is money problem and u have love too, you can be happy..you might just sometimes wish you had more money...Money can only add to ones happiness if he or she is already happy because of the love they have in their life..If you don have love and only money, you will feel like throwing away all the money..the jealousies you are talking about are all small ones...getting jealous of friends etc...who doesnt get jealous..these are small momentary jealousies...they don make ur life miserable...you always hope that you would try to make more money..But if you dont have love , and you see others having it, it really makes you very miserable...Everybody wants to make money and people try their best to make as much as they can...Money is good...I feel one should be happy with whatever money one makes...because we all try our best..whatever we get should be appreciated by us and we should be content with what we have...

ありがとう　ございます　ね　vanessa-san..

I choose.. 愛　:)

bookmark-- drawing tools by vael66

2009-06-06T17:29:00.003+07:00

Um.. I just like this entry for my reference.. Found by surfing deviantart and clicking, and shouting. lol (hyper mode: ON)

posted in deviantart by vael66
-----------------
Drawing with the right tools

P A R T 1

Here is my guide to drawing with the right tools. I hope you all will find it helpful. I think this will be in parts. This is part 1.

The Outline
When you are drawing, you want to be able to erase. (I'll cover erasers in Part 2) You normally use pencil. That is a good idea! But if your scanner is horrible (like mine) or you want to make your picture neat and clean you should trace the pencil with ink.
In the beggining, in order to get used to the whole tracing thing. I used a cheap black pen that you can find just about anywhere. It is more like a pencil than marker.
Well, if you have ever drawn with them you know that they erase some. That would only be a beginner's tool.Recently I have started using a fine point pen that is like a very thin marker. The one that works the best is probably the PRECISE V5. Extra fine. Rolling ball. It's from the company of Pilot. (I'm actually looking at my pen as I am typing this.
The pen has a metal tip and a few small holes to let ink out. It is easy to use and draws a thin line.
My guidebook that I bought at Barnes and Nobles suggests:
RotringFaber-Castekk
TGI-SStaedtler Marsmatic 700
Sakura Micron Pigma
Copic Multiliner
Pilot drawing pen

So that ends my ink section. Read Part 2 for how to erase pencil under pen and how to erase just pencil.

P A R T 2

Here is Part 2 of my whole drawing tips thing. This will cover erasing.Erasing Plain Pencil
I bet a lot of you out there have bad days with drawing. So you end up erasing like crazy. By the end you have no idea where your lines are. While tracing it over with pen helps really erasing works better. (See part one for pen tips)
Some of you like cheap art supplies and some like expensive ones. Well, cheap is always better if it has good quality! If you go to Staples or CVS you will see tons of erasers. Do not pick the pencil caps or tiny ones, you'll be getting a hand cramp. Stay clear from the pink ones. Use white. From my experiences and from reading a bunch of books about drawing, I know that white is better. However, an eraser can only do so many things. If you dig into the paper, that's it. I suggest drawing lightly. Your hard lines should be drawn when you are certain that you want that line there. I don't suggest using hard lines though.
Okay, so you've perfected your drawing in pencil. Now it's time to trace with pen. But when you are done, you have pencil lines.
WARNING: Wait until the pen has fully dried and then you may erase. It makes sure that it doesn't smear.
WARNING: When drawing, do not brush eraser shavings with your hand! It will smear the pencil and what used to be a white paper will turn a shade darker. Either blow the shavings away, shake the paper out, or use a soft thing to brush them away (a small unused paint brush works very nicely.)
There you have it! I'm not sure what part 3 will be about but you've got to wait a little for that. If I get a lot of viewers I'll put this under my devinations.
-----------------

And these are the original posts links:

Drawing with the right tools

Drawing with the right tools part 2

Postin again~

2009-06-06T15:31:00.002+07:00

I've been surfing the deviantart, to check out sasha's (an artist in deviantart) artworks. Cuz I got her tutorial, and wonder how her artworks are.. and, I found this journal, written by also an artist there, kuridoki (the username).

Here, I quote her journal..

-----------------
Updates and Ramblings

Ever had the experience of looking back at your old work and going "Oh god, the SHAMEEEE"? I imagine most artists go through this stage once they've hit a certain level of experience. But, honestly, it's also one of the most fun parts of being an artist too, I think.

But let's take this a step further.

I don't know how many of you might feel like I do when working on a piece. But I'll just simplify it for now:

Step 1:

Rough sketch work, gets you pumped up for working on the piece. Feels good, man. lol

Step 2:

Start your line work, or whatever your work process involves. There's still a good feeling of excitement and anticipation.

Step 3:

You've gone in pretty deep into the work. But as you stare at your piece for hours and hours, little bubbles of questionable feelings start appearing.

Step 4:

You've finished the work. And you're pretty damn happy. It's your most detailed piece yet.

Step 5:

You keep looking at the work. Slowly, little mistakes and disparities start popping up. You never realized them while working.

And thus starts the slow decent into madness. You start getting more and more unhappy with the work until you can't really remember why you liked it in the first place.

You start a new piece eventually, go back to Step 1, rinse and repeat.

Different people will probably experience this to different levels, I don't know. Depending on how positive you are, you could see this as a source of motivation in improving yourself, but on the other hand you'd never be satisfied, ever.

Any of you ever felt like this? I imagine a few of you might.

-----------------

Yeah, I have. Lol.

Right now I am living the prophet which says:

The grass is always greener on the other side

In my case, I see peoples.. my friends, seems like having more talent, in art, also in guitar.. than me. I don't know the fact. Well, the fact is that, now I'm feelin I am not good enough in drawing. And evenmore in guitar. But, I guess, from kuridoki's journal up there, it is normal. It is.. human. Humans never satisfy. And I am a human :)

I hope I can online more.. and become more active in deviatart. I really love art.. and interested to art community.

You know.. I've foud maaaaany talented young artists in deviant. Cool. And, not that I want to be in list of young talented artists (omg. I guess I have to practice my grammar.. MORE. << see.. I have no idea it is a right order of adjective or not. Heheh. Nvm) but I want to draw better and better and make prints in such a young age. That I'm now.. almost 15. Grreat. I'm growin older. Hahah. In other side, I can't wait for highschool~

New environment, and new friends I guess.

Oh well.. I found another deviant to deviantwatch added =3

Lessons..

2009-06-04T23:29:00.005+07:00

So.. I got up late, as usual. Heheh. And then, I had guitar course. Ahh.. my guitar skill has decreased a lot.. and.. I was down because of it. But.. as a nanas, I choose not to let myself being down for a longer time. If I am not good enough to play guitar, then practice!! Practice till I am good enough to play a guitar!! Till I master it.. thats it.

Fortunately.. and I worked as an usher for my church's bday ceremony. Why I call it a fortunate one? Cuz by joining usher team, I got the precious Message. You know, things that was spoken by evangelist or pasteur there..

The speaker was speaking about Moses, Aaron, and Joshua. He said in the start that each of us might be living as Moses, Aaron, of Joshua. Or, a person can live with 3 of them. Moses in office, Joshua in struggles, and Aaron in Church. Moses, whom lead Israel from Egypt to the Promised Land.. (I don't know what is it in English hehe. Gomen) Joshua, who never give up in condition that people have given up, and Aaron.. was the one who unpopular.. but if we pay attention to him in Bible, he was a very humble man. He was working harder than Moses, but Moses was the one who got praises and becoming popular. He was the one who did the chores.. He can thinkin why he wasn't the one who got praised, the one who was popular that in fact he worked harder than Moses, and even speak for Moses. But he didn't. It needs a humbleness to be like that.

In a war with Amalekh, if Moses raised his arms, Israel would win. Vice Verse. And, the fact was that Israel won. It wasn't because of Joshua or Moses only. Or even Aaron or Hur who was supporting Moses.. If there wasn't Moses, Israel must have lost. If there wasn't Joshua, no one would be the one who fight and beated up Amalekh. And if there weren't Aaron and Hur, Moses' arms would not survive being up for hours. So they needed each other.. There was no the 'most' one. Each of them needed each other.

I learned, that being the most one is not the most important. The important is how you can be useful for others, not being used by. As long as you do your best, that is the best. No need to compare ourselves to other, cuz if we compare ourselves to other, then we are growing to be other. We won't that happen would we?

Tomorrow, I will do my best to be better. Better in guitar, drawing, as a friend, and being better in life. I will do my best to change my bad habits. Haha. I really have a bunch of bad habits. Lol. I really want to be better.. and cuz I want it so much I would do so much to reach it.. Ganbatte ryuu-chan!! ^^

Health Probs..

2009-05-31T20:14:00.005+07:00

Yeah.. lately I have this health problems. So I've had low-blood pressure for years.. and lately (actually this isn't the first time either) it becoming worse, for a moment. The bad things are:

1. I can't run too much, even walking too much makes me out of breath. That IS bad. I love running! But now it seems I can't run, also swim at the moment cuz of not having enough energy to do so. I wonder when will my stamina be back.

2. I often get kind of spinninglike-somehow-headache. Don't ask, cuz I don't know why either. Too much sleep and lack of exercise, as my mom told me. Well, maybe?

3. I don't know if this is related to low-blood pressure or not.. but my body, especially shoulders, legs, and arms are easily to get tired till pain.. ache we might say.. For example, I played boxing today till 3 rounds only in Timezone, and in minutes my right thigh felt pain whenever I walk.. In the same time my right hand felt exhausted.. awh man.. just for several minutes and exhausted already?? What a pity!!

Instead of my health problems, today I bought new DVDs =). I bought Bleach Episode 212-221 and Law of Ueki 1-70 (end). Love them. I haven't watch Law of Ueki though. I'll save it for later..

Lately I'm trying to sleep earlier. Cuz of my habit, that is sleeping late, I have these health problems now. Usually I draw things till late midnight. At the moment, I'm learning to draw Bleach characters. Love drawing very much~ In my observation, illustrators are having their own style in drawing. That's what I've been trying to learn about. I want to be a great illustrator afterall. And Kobe Tite's (Bleach Mangaka) drawing style is unique~ Especially for my Hitsugaya Toushiro-kun ehehehe <3. Kawaiiiii!! It is like.. he (Kobe Tite) can make cute little boys and girls characters and also manly handsome and pretty adult characters. And it is not easy to draw for me. Now I feel like I can't even draw properly. For a good illustrator, usually drafts are already makin' shape.. Not mine. Sob. Well, I'm in process to do so..

(now I wonder if it is because my pencil is not good enough.. Or maybe it IS just because I'm not good enough in drawing?)

As now I've had plenty of free times.. *glad* I've listed (too) many plans for this holiday *excited*

One of them is learning codes. I would like to learn CSS, html, and javascript. First, I want to remodel this very blog of my own. I want to add java scripts things.. and also with touch of art, it would be marvelous.. Khekhekhekhekhe~ html also is important. If I manage to remodel this blog and satisfied, then I would try for a site. Gyehehehe. Hm.. I'll use that site for bussiness though.

pinnapl3.com

splendid. And I also want to have a studio with Lydia and Pauline. For a studio, I think I'll need just a smal place. Not too big is okay. As long as it is able to be worked inside, sleep sometimes.. play, a small fridge for food.. yeah.. our own 'office' (In my mind I'm imagining it would be as big as Lydia's garage). I'm imagining my highschool year would be very productive. Maybe. If my plans are goin smooooothly.. Hope so.. =)

The end of tough days..

2009-05-25T19:30:00.003+07:00

It has been tough. As I've sleep above 12 a.m for 2 days with a not fit body.. It was exhausting.. =.=.. Now my artwork has done and has been submited at deviantart. Check it here.

But, more things made me frustated!! What else if not dummy internet connection of my LOVELY INDONESIA???? ARGH!! DUMMYY!!!!!

sob sob..

Well, finally.. I'm back to life. Even I need days to recover, to be a real nanas as a human-being (not a fruit duh!)

centimentile side of gloria jhs 9th grade

2009-05-20T22:38:00.003+07:00

heya, I've just back from farewell camp. The camp was fun. Really.
The most fun part is that I can have pictures of unique sleeping style photos. Lol. But I captured them with my friends' cameras, so.. to have those photos to my computer I should wait for my friends to tag the photos online at facebook =p

Another thing from camp is, that 90% of Gloria JHS' 9th grade is actually soft inside. There was one session that all, including boys, and male teachers, cried a lot. Owh man.. yeah.. at first I thought, there's no need to cry cuz we'll still able to contact everybody by technologies the world've made. And also that.. life is movin on.. people come and leave. So.. this thing didn't affect me.. but not at all. I was touched when I hugged the teachers as they cried a lot. Then.. no tears. I'm not the type of person who like to waste off my tears anyway. My tears are still usefull for my eyes. I ain't gonna waste my tears for no reason man.. and hate being fake even all this time I've being a fake. But I don't want to playin with feelings..

And I also performed ==".. But the performance was embarassing. I lost my face that second.. So I played duo with Yona, which was a guitar pro.. and he used accoustic-electric guitar while I used accoustic guitar. It looked like I was just showing that I can play guitar ==", cuz my guitar sound as I sure that won't reach the back seats. I had no face.. no face.. Till I wondered maybe I am too kind and too easy to be used by. Dummy me. Dummy nanas. *sob*

Tonight I also wondered.. maybe I am too cold to my friends. I can't share shoulders like they do. I can't fully trust them. I also wondered if I am worthed to beloved like that...

I am maybe too cold.. but that's me. That's the way I live. I don't hug except I'm forced to..

There is a law of take and give. I might give them hugs, but I don't need hugs. I prefer to live my life independently. It more comfortable for me..

aaa.. is this my "lucky" day?

2009-05-17T14:42:00.003+07:00

So, today, as usual I went to church.. and also as usual, I was late =p. This morning me and wallmaX crew gave Heaven--my friend at church, a gift. And it was a replica of Hitsugaya Toushiro, her and my favourite character in Bleach =)

And then I went to PTC to buy my needs for tomorrow's farewell camp and directly went home. At home I did my homeworks such as washing my clothes when suddenly, my uncle came... At first I wasn't concerned, cuz I thought maybe He got some business here, till I heard my lil sis said: "CEE! Komputernya mau digantii!!" (means: "Sis!! The computer would be changed by!!")

aa.. and that concerned me.

My house's computer= my life. Cuz I got maaaaaaany important documents there. If all of my documents sumed, it will have about 3 gigabytes. Or 4. (Most of them are pictures and images, also notes. Heheh. But they ARE important) So I immediately came into computer room and see what's goin on.. and...

well, I've wished once if I could get laptops or any computer and gadget goodies from any lottery. But I've never imagine to get a new flat LCD from my uncle.

IT WAS NEW! IT GOT A BOX.. bow wow..

What the heck is goin on.. OMG. It is very rare for any of my relatives to give me that expensive kind of thing. Once again, I wondered.. is this my lucky day? =)

perhaps.

Then, I continued my works. That today I have to wash my clothes, draw chibis for P.E practical assignment, and I want to finish up my scrap for the competition. Then, another thing I found.

As the LCD is being changed by a flat one, the CPU and other devices must be moved for safety sake. So the adaptor and the CPU place is switched. But, the problem is.. that makes the USB driver isn't easy to reach. So I search for a multi-USB driver in my papa's office, and I found... A WEBCAM. Oho, so all this time my pops is having a webcam??!

note this: there's an advantage of having a lavish pops ^^ << is it true lavish? in Indonesian it's called 'boros'

sob sob sob.. EXPLODED!!

2009-05-15T22:02:00.006+07:00

ARGH!! Feel like I'm gonna explode!! For several days I've been stucked in my own house!! I mean... no online, no money, no phone charge.. I'M HAVING DIFFICULTIES TO CONTACT ANYONE OUTSIDE MY HOUSE!!

However, my school final exam is done. I'm not 100% sure bout the scores, but.. I'm relieved. At least now I don't have to study and study, and also that I'll have more time to prepare for character design competition.

Btw, last wednesday, I went to an internet cafe to check my dA and Ymail. Then I read an offline message from my clan leader, said: jacket design competition
and this is UNUSUAL. U see.. my clan currently is just a virtual clan which means that I've never meet any of them (eventhough I might will meet one of them later in highschool. He'll enter the same highschool as mine T.T). And, by having those jackets alive, it means that this virtual clan will become a real-life community? Hmph..

And those jackets will be sent to our own houses and ..... *fainted*
hyper mode on, believe me.. I'm still half-concious O.O~

For ur information, I was already thinking of abandoning the clan months ago. Why? Cuz I thought I wanted to have a healthy social-life (and in fact, not so healthy rite now =="), also that I thought, having an online-only clan would waste my time and money.. Cuz by being online for my clan it means I've got things I have to do for clan (I'm an active member there, and once became a leader of a squad), and the most important thing is that being with my clan, was more fun than being with my friends in real-life, sometimes. Especially that... (hate to tell this, but..) I have an (embarassing) weakness that is related to boys.. ==".. which is being the reason why I don't have any boys as friend in my school except Jesse (but he is a girly boy, love fashion designing with sexy outfits ==").. Yeah, somehow I can't be friendly to boys. It has been my habit since I was elementary school, since the first time I knew 'crush'. All this time I've always wanted to blame that ugly-proudy boy but, I also know that blaming= useless, and I wont have this 'weakness' if I don't makin it as a problem and react different.

Rite now, I really need somebody outside to talked to..

wishes:
-my phone refilled NOW w/ o delay >.<
-the facebook works
-my ebuddy works
-comic paper and 2H pencil fall to my lap
-a benQ or hp or even MacBook fall to my bed (heheh. It would be hurt if the fall to my lap XD)
-money rain
-a sane mind @.@

Ho yea, I remember about my friends' requests. OMG, I haven't finish any of both requests!! My target is this farewell camp (18-20 May). The design has no prob. I can work them up to morning (a bit insomnia+workaholic= insane. it is not healthy. seriously. actually I've recovered from insomnia. heheh), but the problem is...... the printing time. To print them I have to go to printing service, which actually is near my house, but it's open till 4 p.m only, that lately, I'm afraid I don't have enough time to fo that. First, it is all because of economic problem. My mom is currently out of money. She owed me 600k rupiahs. Second, my mom wont have time to pick me up to places I've got to visit. That is the cause why I often stucked at home with no internet except using my mom's dummy IM2. IM2, YOU ARE DUMMY DUMMY!! *get a hold of myself not to curse*.... another problem we have ladies and gentlemen~ =="

I guess I'll have to list all I must do these weeks. Soon.

Gonna check raditya dika's blog. Ja ne.

PS: *as if Lodi would read this blog XP. hope not.* sorry for not replying ur text msg. I'm currently out of phone charge or whatever it called in english. Gomenasaii to all including Huey-nii san. Heheh.

im in love.. lol

2009-05-11T21:16:00.005+07:00

Yeah, I'm in love.. haha. With who you may ask? With my new drawing tablet!! XD
So.. today I bought a new drawing tablet, and I am in process of learning how to use it.. heheh. Plus, the driver CD got Corel Paint X free trial. It was awesome (Corel Paint X). It has a colour mixer and types of brushes, special or painting digitally XD. Love it~

Up to this day, I'm still in final exam week. Not the UNAS. But school's. School's exam is quite easier than UNAS. Eventhough, I still have to study a night before to get good marks ==".. I wish I can learn and experimenting with my new drawing tablet more~ *sob*

Anyway, today, fortunately.. my mom allowed me to download some songs :). As you see, she has forbiden me to be online for this exam week.. T.T..

these are the songs:

Better Man - Robbie Williams
You can - David Archuletta

Somehow lately I enjoy slow songs.. Haha.. But they are worth to listened.

Post soon.
Ja ne and wismilak~ ^^

dear guitar, poor guitar..

2009-05-01T21:24:00.002+07:00

so.. this weekend.. is a gloomy weekend for me.. once again. So, since last weekend Bella, who was my close friend, made my flashdisk missed. I know from the beginning that she is totally careless.. but as a good friend, I lent her my flashdisk and I've told her to give my flashdisk back that day, sharp. But she forgot, and neither I. But I have many things to do! My time isn't only for concerning my flashdisk!! She should be rensponsible of it!!! Yeah, and in the next Monday, with puppy face she told me: "Nass, your flashdisk is missing! I couldn't find it anywhere!!" WTF?? Until now, I don't speak to her again. She thinks that my property is not important! If she thinks that it is important then she wouldn't miss it that easy. Almost all of my friends know that I'm not the type of person who easily lent my flashdisk..
Evenmore, when I came home last Thursday, I found my guitar had one of it's string broke.. Ohh man... Maybe now is my time to be on the bottom side of the life-wheel..

Today, I'm tired. Really tired. But I can't sleep. Yeah, sleeping seems like wasting time for me.. Workaholic you say? I'm not sure.. Haha..

So this morning I walked around 6km with Lydia and Pauline. Our destination was Rovina's house. Haha. It was fun, but exhausting. I think I'm gonna getting a flu.. Or maybe right now I'm having a flu... ==a

Hoa yeah.. about my final exam.. Now I feel like, the most important is that I pass. Now I'm not hoping for great marks. I'm not sure with my science. I'm afraid its marks wont pass the average score.. Maybe you would say that I'm so pessimistic.. Yes I am now. And? I don't know.. I hope this would not last for any longer. Me myself don't like myself now that now I'm so down, yeah.. pessimistic I say.. Like everything's ends are pointed to blame me.. Now I don't understand which is wrong and which is rite.. and which is human..

I'm confuse.. Once again, it's like I don't want to do anything.. Actually I want to buy "Yes Man"--Jim Carrey dvd. I really want to watch it. Interesting. But it seems I can't because tomorrow will be a busy day for me.. Janet's grandma died a while ago.. Tomorrow I'll come to the ceremony with Lydia and Pauline.. It's a must as a good friend of her.. And 5 p.m, I'll attend my friend's band competition. It will be her last performance before she fly to Singapore... It must be important lah! Is it that I don't hav time for myself? Well, what I call a time for myself is when I can watch dvd I want to watch, play guitar, exeperimenting with photoshop, drawing sketchs, being online and chat, and play games. But I can't do them rite now... Why? First, economy condition of my family. Dad always like groaning of it. Second, don't know why, when I'm free and have time to chat and so on.. my friends aren't online.. And I don't want to interrupt them with my gloomy aura..

About online.. I don't know if having online friends is normal.. Is it? Except you have foreign country friend. Like HoQ's--one of my friends--condition. She has maaany boy friends. And there she is.. unhappy. Umm, many boys of her 'friends' are making her as a toy. And, I don't want that happen to me. Ever. So, I want to prevent it.. but it seems like my way to prevent isn't right. And, I wonder if having online friends can make us rather unsocialable.. You see.. when online friends seems more than your real friends.

I am in confuse..

baptized.. in a pool (not in the river~ GG)

2009-04-26T21:38:00.004+07:00

This morning, I was baptized! Man! It was an unforgetable moment, for me. So, first thing in the morning was, that I was late.. ==".. Actually a bit (I was about 10minutes late =p). And I wore a black t-shirt with black shorts. Imagine how dark my appeareance was!! Inside the car, in our way to our destination, my mom was angry to my dad because she feels that my dad wasn't care at all that me, the first children in the family, baptized this day. She said that this is an important moment so he must not miss it by not bringing a camera. Well, that is one of reasons we were late. The second thing was, that I had a headache ==".. It was a pain. I think it was because last night I stayed awake till 3 a.m.. Tomas, my friend from Slovenia was online, and it has been a loooong time that we haven't chat! That's why I was still awake till 3 a.m.. just to chat with him. Haha. But, I ended up having a headache =="...

Back to my baptizing moments.. so, I felt that I wasn't ready.. I couldn't freely sing along.. I wasn't ready because I recalled all my sins and I felt that I'm not worthy to be baptized.. You see.. I blamed myself for everything I've done, and the worst part: I couldn't forgive myself. Then, evangelist in front told parents to pray for their children. At first, I thought my mom and dad wont come and pray for me. Especially my dad (thinking that he wasn't care this morning). But I was wrong. The first one who came to me was my mom. She touched my shoulder and pray. I cried.. and it wasn't ordinary tears. I cried till almost making sounds. The bad and heavy tears type. Not long after that, my dad came. I was relieved. I saw my friend, Immalia, who was on the right side of me, had nobody to pray for her. Her mom didn't attend. I felt sorry for her. I was grateful to Him. Then I was baptized and it was time for changing clothes. I planned to not taking shower there and just changing my clothes instead. Unfortunately.. ohh mann.. Because I didn't change my unders (which was my stupidity that day), my dry T-shirt that I wore was wet and making a shape of my ***!! It was a stupid thing and it was embarassing.. By time passing my T-shirt dried quite fast.. But still, I was embarassed.

Aside of my stupidity today (hehe), tomorrow, precisely 8hours after this posting, I'll have my final exam which called UNAS (United Nation Association S***; << kidding XP).

I've studied hard, and now I'm hopeless. I'm confident enough to pass it, but not confident enough to make 9 for my average score.. Wish me luck.

Ja Ne~

study or codes?

2009-04-19T14:47:00.003+07:00

heya.. so today i learn more about tag clouds codes again.. and.. as you see.. it hasn't work!! awh man.. i don't know which part is wrong.. (or maybe it is that my tags are not enough?)

today, after church, i went to PTC and found out something interesting.
the title was..

Surabaya Toy Festival
Character Design Competition
so.. i was thinking to register :)
i can draw.. amateurly ==a.. you see, i can't draw and colouring like deviantart deviations.. well, i still have about.. 1 week i guess to learn and having the idea. if i won.. it'll be a great success for me~ at least make my parents proud.. and the best one is that i might get promoted by my drawings :)
i'm looking forward to start practicing for it.. the announcement didn't show any age limit.. so for age criteria, i might be able to join. cool.

btw, i've finished maylia's notebook cover :). just wait for her agreement, and i shall print soon.. then the book shall done! ^^. good good.. after this i'll spend my time finishing rovina's notebook cover.. then i'll think of how the content will be.. ahh~ glad glad..

well.. i got to go.. i have to make rovina's cover as soon as possible.. it seems like 24hours doesn't enough for me T.T..

Ja Ne~

last one for today

2009-04-17T23:08:00.001+07:00

i had some browsing and i found this. interesting. good idea :)
however, arigatou gozaimasu raditya dika! ^^

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Kalau ada yang baca Harry Potter (and I’m sure lots of you do), pasti tau Dementor.
Heri dan Dementor
Bagi yang gak tahu, Dementor adalah “makhluk penghisap kebahagiaan” yang membuat korban mereka berpikir tidak akan bisa bahagia lagi. Satu-satunya cara untuk mengusir Dementor, Harry Potter harus mengeluarkan mantra yang bernama Patronus. Nah, untuk mengeluarkan mantra Patronus dengan baik, Harry harus mengingat tentang hal-hal yang ngebuat dia bahagia sambil mengarahkan tongkat sihirnya ke Dementor.
Heri dengan Mantra Patronus vs Dementor
Konsep yang keren banget ya?
To be honest, akhir-akhir ini lagi banyak Dementor di hidup gue; that means lagi banyak pikiran yang menggangu, yang ngebuat gue jadi down, jadi gak seneng, jadi males ngapa-ngapainnya. Dan gue akhirnya berpikir, untuk mengusirnya, gue perlu mengeluarkan mantra Patronus gue sendiri.

Maka, inilah mantra Patronus gue, atau dengan kata lain,hal-hal bahagia yang gue pikirin untuk mengusir Dementor gue:
1. Pergi bareng pacar ke tempat seafood (ngemilin kerang dara rebus! hahahah), nonton TV, atau cuman berduaan diem aja, our quality time together
2. Inget-inget lagi “Adelaide Ceria”, dan bagaimana senangnya kita dulu..
3. Lari sendirian di Senayan, gak ada pikiran apa-apa, ngeliatin pintu demi pintu kelewat..
4. Minggu pagi di Kemang sambil ngopi dan ngobrol sok berat tapi santai. Nge-quote Nietzche, Freud, Schopenhauer, dan mencoba untuk memahami “why we are so unbeliavable fucked up?”. Man, I miss pseudo-intellectual conversation..
5. Mendengarkan A Love Supreme - John Coltrane
6. Menonton Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind
7. Hari Minggu yang mendung, di mobil sendirian, lalu radio memutarkan lagu-lagu ringan..
8. Talkshow di auditorium dengan penonton yang asik banget..
9. Ngedenger nyokap gue bilang, “Paling engga, anak mama yang paling gede udah jadi orang.”
10. Momogi coklat & Pocky rasa pisang plusss Coca-Cola dingin yang es-nya agak cair.
11. Membaca email terimakasih dari pembaca, disamperin orang dan bilang terimakasih sudah membuat buku, melihat orang membaca buku gue di jalanan sambil melihat mereka ketawa malu-malu..
12. Duduk di pojokan sebuah jazz club di Adelaide bersama Darius, sambil melihat penyanyi amatir-tapi-bagus bernyanyi manis.
13. Nulis sambil tidur, dan besoknya pas bangun, ketawa ngebaca tulisan sendiri..
14. Makan indomie telor kornet keju jam satu pagi di warung deket rumah..

Gue jadi inget, gak selamanya gue bakal ada di dalam posisinya jelek. Gak selamanya bernasib buruk. Kadang, kalau kita sedih, kita berpikir, kita gak akan bisa ngelewatin ini… kita gak bahagia.. dan kita orang paling miserable di dunia ini. Dengan mengingat-ingat yang seneng-seneng lagi, gue jadi sadar, yah mungkin hidup gak selamanya di atas. Gue pernah bahagia, dan beberapa saat lagi I will get my spirit back.

Walaupun gak punya tongkat sihir..my Patronus charm works.Sekarang gue lagi senyum.
Apa mantra Patronus kamu?
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
- copied from radityadika.com.

(now i decide to edit my posting than posting a new one =p)

i forget to tell ya.. today.. somehow my class was pointed to sing in monday indonesian-ceremonial, known as upacara bendera. all was groaning (including me of course! haha).. and the first lesson today was religion, which was free time. valerie and rovina told us that we better practice for the ceremony that lesson. but other aren't listening. especially the dummy class-captain, steven dummy (actually steven liman. he was a chairman of student council last year, often to be no. 1 in class, beloved by teachers and on and on. but he is a true idiot). i saw him sang the song, but he didn't even try to convinced everybody else to sing along!! and then i scold him. heheh. but, as i said. he is a true idiot. so he didn't mind valerie, rovina and i mad at him ==".. instead of that, i became the conductor. hahah. u know.. the one who leads the quire by showing the tempo. i wasn't pointed to.. but i signed up my self to be.. ==".. why? at first i thought by being the conductor, i wont have to sing. haha. i can't sing. but i'm good at tempo and guitar. but after finally this afternoon we rehearsed.... i think i've chose a wrong choice ==a.. hey, but being a conductor is quite fun. lol. see what'll happen in next monday.

it's already 11 p.m!! i have to sleep early. i wanna have morning jogging in the morning. ja ne~~

one more thing..

2009-04-17T22:49:00.000+07:00

heheh. this is a new scrap i made today =p

argh.. lately i wont be online often. internet connection in my house is so sucks. dummy dummy.
gtg. ja ne ^^

i love yesterday..

2009-04-17T22:28:00.000+07:00

haha. kidding. no way i would love yesterday more. as we are living this life, we have to be better from yesterday, each day. rite?
well, today.. i feel kinda lazy.. heheh. it feels like i dont really wanna do anything. including praticing my guitar. it is so different than yesterday~ (yesterday i wanted to practice my guitar soo much instead of studying mandarin and science =p)

well, it's already 10 days before UNAS (National Final Exam; i'm a 3rd grader of junior highschool rite now). i've stricted my self to not being online (read: chat), reading some teenlits.. well, doing everything i love the most!! i mean my hobbies =(
i even struggled to not watching monster vs alien, 3D in SuTos (argh!). that i want it so much. i believe that to reach something, we have to work on it. workin the best that we can do. and that needs sacrifice. but, the result will be as good as how we work on it. soo.. i'm struggling the devil inside me. lol.

uhm, nothing unique really happen today.. (that's one of reasons i'm getting bored)
i just wanna go to gramedia expo, and buy raditya dika's book: cinta brontosaurus.

heheh. i've wanted to buy it from last week. aaaand... i wanna join the yoyo club in TP. i also want to have japanese language course.. *wishing UNAS would pass faster heheh*

in the end.. wish me luck for this UNAS. Ja ne~

first day

2009-04-09T20:24:00.000+07:00

heya my brand new blog.. hahahh. now on im movin here. forget my old blog. i dumped it XP
umm.. well, im still thinking of what would i do to you my new blog. let's see what i get after my final exam ^^. see ya around~